Hours Of Life

0500hrs-0600hrs

October 1st, 2011 (eighteen years old)

...the world is full of heartbreaks...

... And that's a pain I will never forget.

I am used to pain at the point I am in life right now. The pain inflicted by others knowingly or unknowingly, the pain I inflicted upon myself. Or the pain that came from seeing people suffer in this world.

But this pain is new. I have never in my life felt such pain that evoked this much amount of fear in my body. I have no idea what it is. But I am fearful about what it means. The thought scares me so much that it removes me from the realm of dreams back into the world of fears and reality.

The pain was so sharp in my back that it brought tears to my eyes. I couldn't understand what was happening. The last few weeks had been slow for me that I didn't go out at all. I had no reasons at all to be hurting my back right now.

That was when a new kind of worry sipped into me. A worry I had never thought about in the few weeks I had been carrying Justin's baby. And the thought was accompanied by another shot of pain that made me cry out for the only person in this world who knew anything about this.

She came as soon as I called out to her, her raven black hair tied in a tight bun behind her head. She must have heard me long ago if she was this quick to get to my room that was a good thirty meters from hers.

"Stacy! Call the ambulance!"

I was shocked by that kind of reaction from Sister Gwen. I know I had just screamed out in pain. But that was probably normal contractions happening. I just needed to sit up and...

My sheets were soaked all the way through when I reach out to flip them off. I didn't need to look when I heard what Sister Gwen just said. But I couldn't stop my head from turning to the scene that would haunt every sleeping moment in my life now.

There was a massive patch of red scattered all over the white sheets. My nightgown was drenched in the same color and I could finally understand why it felt heavy when I woke up.

I did not know what to do but just scream. I screamed so loudly that I must have roused the younger children in the home. I couldn't stop the cries that came from me. I didn't even know what I was saying until Sister Gwen was beside me whispering over and over again.

"You won't lose her! You won't lose her!"

I wonder when Sister Gwen became a liar. I know she knew how I was feeling right now. She had been heartbroken like this six times before she decided to dedicate her life to the Lord.

We both knew the heartbreak of never being counted as mothers even after we were pregnant in this world.