We're a month and a half into the tour. By now we have a pretty set routine, or, well, at least I do.
I start my day around 11. I try and cook for everyone in the morning depending if we're stopped or not. I like to go off and explore when we are stopped. I usually end up sleeping with Dan while the band is out doing whatever they do before a show. I watch the show, sleep with Mike after then go out partying with everyone.
I took a break from it tonight, though. I decided to give myself a break from the partying and just hangout by myself.
I scroll through Twitter on my phone for twenty minutes before I hear the door open and someone come into the bus.
"Row?" Mike yells through the bus.
"In the back." I yell to him.
As soon as I see him I can tell he's drunk. Probably horny too which is why he's here.
"You're not out with us." he says.
"Nah, I needed a break."
He comes and sits down right next to me.
"I missed you." he says right in my ear.
I wish I could say I'm immune to him, but even that turns me on like crazy. So of course we have sex. Three rounds, lasting two hours.
"I kinda want to go again." he says immediately afterwards.
I laugh. "Your stamina is crazy."
"Only for you." he says, kissing me.
I guess he can see the confusion on my face, because he picks his phone up and pretends to be interested in it so that he doesn't have to explain anything to me.
I really don't know what he's doing anymore. He says casual but now he's kissing me just to kiss me and saying sweet things. If I wasn't so afraid of the answer, I'd be asking him the question.
Its not just his answer that scares me either. I dont know what I want. What if he wants to be serious? He doesn't, because its Mike and he's not like that. But I could get used to pretending to be like that with him. I kind of want to.
"Are you going back to the bar or staying here?" I ask him.
"I figure I'll stay. Kinda tired now." he says. "Wanna go to bed?"
"Yeah, sure." I say. After all it is 3am.
When we get to the bunks I expect him to get into his, but he climbs into mine with me.
We lay together cuddled up. We fit perfectly into each other, theres not even a little fraction of me that's uncomfortable.
"Row?" Mike whispers into my ear.
"Yeah, Mike?"
"Can I tell you something?"
"Sure."
"You can't hold it against me, though." he says.
"Mike, I wont." I reply. I know my heart rate is picking up. I have no idea what hes gonna say.
"I think I kind of love you."
I tense up right away. I dont mean to, but I dont know what else to do. I dont know what to say. And now its awkward because theres silence.
"I dont think you do." I eventually say.
"I might. Youre all I think about." he mumbles. "I cant wait for shows to be over because I know you always come to see me after."
I go to say something but I dont know what. What do you say to someone who says they might love you?
"But maybe I'm just really drunk." Mike says.
"Yeah." I say so quietly that I don't even think he hears it.
We both fall asleep shortly, still cuddled up, still with the confession playing in our minds.
