things to do before i'm gone;

Goodbye

{Sydney, Australia}

12:00 AM

You see that girl sprawled on the bed? That's me. Broken, depressed and at the very edge of my life.

Hello, I'm Kristy. I'm 17, a senior at the local high school and also diagnosed with the last stage of cancer. I won't go into detail but the doctor did tell me that I only have 6 months to live.

I'm not going to lie, in the past few weeks after I received the diagnostics, I thought of killing myself. Wouldn't it be easier if I just end it now? Instead of giving false hope to my family that I might live better for my remaining days. No more long pauses at dinner, waiting for me to reply or constant questions on whether I feel fine. Because I'm not and I can't do anything about it. Isn't it sad to be fated to die like this?

Instead of this unproductive routine that I have been maintaining, today, I decided to do something different. 6 months? It's a flash but I want to end it well.

So, I made a list.

List of Stuff to Do before I'm Gone:

1. Go back to School

2. Confess to my crush.

3. Get a pet cat

4. Charity

5. Be Happy

As dumb as my list is, I hope it goes well.

"Why doesn't your list have anything crazy? Don't you want to sky dive or I don't know- go bungee-jumping?" my little brother says after catching me finishing up my list.

"I feel as though those things are too grand and not.... me. I don't mind dying peacefully without going out with a boom. You know?"

"Whatever, sis," he gave me a light shove before leaving me to my own thoughts again.

I'm going to miss him.

{High School}

8:00 AM

"Kristy -fucking- Maxwell, you are back!" the taller black haired girl hugged me aggressively, I could feel her warmth and relief envelop me. I don't want that to disappear so I've decided. I'm not telling my friends about my cancer. It's best they stay happy before I leave.

"Oh my gosh! It is her! Where have you been?" After Blair let go of her grasp on me, Raegan, also my best friend shakes my arms in excitement.

"Ah.. I got really sick. Fever and all. But I'm fine now! All ready to hit the books," I laugh nervously. I forgot, I'm not good at lying to people but I cross my fingers anyway, no way I'm letting the people who make me so happy to be so distraught.

"Hit the books? You fucking nerd," Blair laughs her hearty laugh and I only smile back, glad they didn't question much about my absence.

"Let's go we have Chemistry Class!" Raegan pulls me along the crowd and I wave goodbye to Blair who walks the other direction, mouthing 'See ya later'.