Shattered Memories [R-18] [Completed]

Shattered Memories - Chapter 33

Robert was taken aback by her words. "It was easier for you, wasn't it?" he replied. His voice was laced with sadness and pain. "Mas naging madali para sa iyo, hindi ba? Kasi hindi mo maalala. You didn't had the real pain when we lost our baby, you didn't had the damn regret when I lost you. Hindi mo alam kung ano ang pakiramdam ng nakabantay ka lang sa comatose mong asawa na hindi mo sigurado kung magigising pa! Hindi mo alam kung gaano naging kasakit para sa akin na malaman na 'yung babaeng totoong mahal ko, hindi na ako matandaan. Lahat ng alaala naming masaya, nakalimutan na niya. And it was harder... because she looks to another man with so much love. Like the way she looks at me before. Everything... everything I had with that woman was lost. It was really hard because I was back to zero, and she was attracted to someone else."

Hindi na napigilan ni Ishi ang pagpatak ng kanyang mga luha sa mga sinabi ni Robert. "God, why is this suddenly all my fault?!" she cried.

"I never loved Ella. It was a mistake, Ishi. A stupid, stupid mistake that I wish I had never done. I'm so sorry for lying and cheating on you over that woman. But I left her, I seriously left her when I realized how much you mean to me. Tinapos ko rin kaagad ang namamatigan sa amin nang maaksidente ka. Kinain ako ng konsensya ko. Doon ko rin napagtanto ang lahat. A thousand Ella can never replace the woman I love. Naging tanga at gago ako, inaamin ko. At hanggang ngayon, nagpapakatanga at nagpapakagago pa rin ako sa'yo. Don't you realize that?"

Pinalis ni Ishi ang kanyang mga luha. She sniffed. Looked down to her feet. "Bakit mo ba sinasabi sa akin ng lahat ng ito, Robert?"

"Because secrets are poison and they need to be spat out."

"Fine," she hissed. "I admit that it was really my fault. I flirted with Delvert. Alam kong nanamantala siya dahil wala akong maalala pero hinayaan ko lang, kasi gusto ko. Gusto ko, Robert. I like him." Iiling-iling na napatawa siya sa sarili. Her laugh was not because of happiness, it was a product of her self mockery. "I..." She sighed. "I had sex with Delvert in his car. And in his house, in his shower. I acted like a whore, if that's what you want to hear."

Mariing napapikit si Robert sa mga narinig. Para iyong suntok sa kanyang sikmura.

"I'm sorry," habol ni Ishi.

"I'm sorry too. You were a great wife to me. Yes, there are times when you were a real bitch, but still, you were great. I was stupid. I was an asshole. I was the one who ruined us."

Tahimik lang si Ishi. May gusto siyang sabihin subalit hindi niya mahanap ang mga tamang salita. She was hurt as much as he was.

"I still love you..." he managed to whisper.

Napilitang magtaas ng tingin si Ishi sa mga katagang iyon. Doon lang niyang nakita na namumula ang gilid ng mga mata ng mister. He looked like he was crying, or maybe not. She wasn't sure, but he looked like he was.

From the depths of her wounded heart she gathered all her courage to say, "I feel the same way, Robert. I still love you too."

* * *

An hour had passed. The two were silent. Nagtitigan. Naghihintay na humupa ang tensyon sa pagitan nilang dalawa.

Nakatayo si Robert sa tabi ng bintana at nakatingin sa labas. Si Ishi naman ay nakaupo lamang sa kama at nakabantay sa kanyang anak.

"Kamusta na ang pakiramdam mo?" untag ni Robert mayamaya.

She swallowed the dry lump on her throat. "Nanghihina pa rin, pero tingin ko kaya ko na rin. Kaunting pahinga na lang siguro," sagot niya sa paos na tinig. Medyo namamaga na ang kanyang lalamunan dahil sa pag-iyak at pagsigaw na ginawa niya kanina. "Kailan ba tayo uuwi sa inyo?" tanong niya. She wanted to change the course of their topic.

"That's not what I meant. I want to know how you feel about us and our situation."

"I'm confused about a lot of things. Hindi ko alam kung ano na ang tingin mo sa akin, kahit kakasabi mo lang kanina na mahal mo pa rin ako. Hindi ko alam kung tanggap mo pa ba ako. Hindi ko alam kung tanggap mo rin ang bata. I'm sad because of these things that happened to us. But I'm also happy because of Damian. Finally, after all those months... lumabas na rin siya sa mundong ito. Nahahawakan ko na rin siya sa wakas. Pero iyong totoong sigurado ako? I'm scared of you. You tend to be very violent when you're mad or jealous. Natatakot akong baka mamaya kung ano ang magawa mo sa amin Damian."

"Iyan ba ang inaalala mo? No. I won't hurt you. Yes, I can be very moody. I can be a crazy and violent bastard, but only because of you. You're the trigger to my violence. Most of the time I am level-headed, my dear wife. Pagdating lang sa'yo, doon lang sumasabog ang galit ko."

"Kaya mo bang ipangako na wala kang gagawin sa akin at kay Damian, basta wala akong gagawin na hindi mo magugustuhan?"

His lips curved a weak smile. "That's a nice deal. I can promise you that."

Ishi was still unconvinced. She was eyeing him with suspicion.

"You have my word," he reassured. "Minsan na akong nawalan ng anak. I won't let that happen again. At kung iyang batang 'yan ang ipapalit ng Diyos, so be it. Masakit man ang mga ginawa mo, mahal pa rin kita. Tanggap ko kayo ni Damian. He is my son, you're my wife, and I'm your husband. We're a family now."

Mapait na napangiti si Ishi. She hesitantly approached him. "C-Can I hug you Robert?"

May maliit na ngiti na sumilay sa mga labi ni Robert. He weakly nodded and pulled her hand. Hinapit niya ito palapit saka niya pinalupot ang mga braso sa baywang ng asawa. "Mahal na mahal kita, alam mo 'yon?" bulong niya habang ibinabaon ang mukha sa leeg ng kayakap.

She threw her arms around his neck. "God, Robert. Mahal na kita. Gago ka, pero minahal na kita. I don't remember our past. I was confused. But now I know that I love you." Ramdam niya ang pagniti ni Robert sa kanyang leeg.

"I love you too, my woman. Don't ever leave me like that again. Don't you fucking scare me like that again. You scared me more than you think you did."

"Bati na ba tayo?"

"Yeah." He smirked. "Kiss me."

Ishi smiled sheepishly. Nag-init ang kanyang pisngi sa ipinapagawa nito. She lifted her chin and leaned in closer. Their breath mixed and soon, their lips were touching. Masuyong tinugunan ni Robert ang kanyang halik. Their tongues were lashing at each other in a gentle manner. His lips were soft and claiming, and he tasted like salt and warm honey.

Napaungol siya ng kagatin ng lalaki ang kanyang labi. Things were started to get hotter until a knock on the door interrupted them.

"Tao po?" sabi ng maliit na boses. Ang batang babae pala iyon. Kumatok ulit ito sa pinto. "Tao po, Tito Robert? Kain na raw po sabi ni Lola Tere..."

Parehas silang nagkatinginan at napatawa.

Humiwalay na si Robert saka ito naglakad papunta sa pinto para pagbuksan ang bata. Pero bago iyon, kumindat muna ito. "Itutuloy natin ang naudlot mamaya."