i sat in class, watching the islam video half-heartedly. it was boring, yet with depression, most things are boring. my hand drifted to the large hole above the knee of my jeans. slowly, i slipped my hand down, resting my hand on the sore and scarred surface. i dug my nails into the skin, scratching it. pain couldn't be felt, only numbness. i didn't need pain, just the scars.
a paper note fluttered down, landing against my black shoe, creating a stark contrast. i picked it up and unfolded it, fumbling and cursing my stubby fingers. yet another thing to hate about myself.
"hey babe. u alright?" read the note. i smiled, glancing towards the beautiful blond sender. his blue eyes met mine, and i could see the worry. i mouthed, "i'm good," before turning forward and attempting to focus.
~~
once school got out, i rushed home.the door swung open silently as i crept inside. dad popped up in front of me, asking, "son, have you done your chores?"
"no dad. i just got home." he glared at me, and i quickly backtracked. "i'm sorry, i haven't had time. i'm sorry."
he nodded, and i hurried upstairs, relieved that i wasn't in trouble. i flopped on the bed, and took out my phone. then, i began to read. soon, tears began streaming down my flushed cheeks. while grabbing some bobby pins, i quickly changed into some shorts, then went in the bathroom. i sat on the tub's cold edge, and began to rub the rounded edge of the bobby pin across my thigh. pretty soon, the area grew red, and painful to touch.
"damn it," i swore. "i promised."
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