Love. Pain. Secrets.

Chapter 13 (Part III)

Linda

I froze as I heard the door slam, shocked. I was confused by this whole situation. I felt sick to my stomach, disgusted at how I treated my baby sister all this time. I knew she was going through a lot and she finally snapped.

We were raised in a nice household. We had both my mom and dad and we lived well. I love Lauren to death but when we were younger, I always felt as though my parents favored her over me. I wasn't the straight A student, I was the one that skipped school and snuck out the house. I always hated hearing "You should more like LoLo." That shit gets annoying. So because of that, I always showed a little hate towards her. Even though she got pregnant young, I always thought she had a better life than me. She was with one of the richest and most feared niggas in Atlanta. I thought my life was bad, well that was until I moved in here. I shook my head, realizing that my behavior was unacceptable.

I heard sniffing and sobbing. I looked up at my nieces, even more disgusted. I can't believe these two girls even thought that disrespecting their mother like that was right. And I was even more shocked that they came at me with my personal shit.

"You two think just because you're 18, you grown?" I questioned causing them to look at me. "Well you're wrong. That's you mom. She gave birth to you and you to never disrespect her. And never again talk about my life. What goes on in my life is my fucking business and you two have no business to worry about it." I looked between them. Jurnee's face was red with tears as she cried but Jarvae just kept a blank face, yet tears silently ran down her face. "I love you and so does you mom. You two need to get it together. I understand you just found out that James is no you biological father but he will always be you dad. Jason is a nice man and he didn't even know so don't take your anger out on him either. Get to know him and be open about meeting you brothers and sisters. You have a whole other family that you don't know about so you should get to know them. Now you have three families, mine, James's and Jason's. Don't be stubborn because at the end of the day, they didn't know about you either. You guys have to grown up and fast. You both are going to college and Nee, you going to be a mommy. What just happened is unacceptable. Remember that." I got up and grabbed my keys to my car. "I'm going to find my sister before she goes and does something she regrets." I walked outside and got in my car, pulling off.

+

Jarvae

I stood planted in the same spot as I heard the door close. I could hear Jurnee sniffling next to me but everything seemed like a blur. I remained silent, unsure about what just happened. I was even more confused about what would happen. My mind was racing with so many thoughts, I didn't know what to do.

Never would I have expected to see my mom act like that. I would've thought she would try to fuck me and Nee up like she always did when we would talk reckless to her. Yeah, she threw a cup at me but I expected worse honestly.

I know everyone thinks that me and Nee shouldn't have said those things to them but put yourself in our shoes. My mom fucking lied to not only me and my sister but to the man that gave her the world. As I was growing up, I would watch my mom and dad and see how he would treat her and wish that someday I would find someone like him, someone that would give me the world. I just found out my whole life is a lie. My family, my grandmother, my aunts and uncles, my cousins, they aren't really blood related to me.

I felt like I was going to faint when the thought of how my grandmother would react crossed my mind, she's going to be devastated. We are the only thing she has to remind her of daddy and we aren't even his biological daughters.

The more I thought about it, the more angry I got. My mom decided to hide this for 18 years only thinking about herself and not anyone else. She robbed me and my sister of knowing our real father. She robbed my biological father of getting to know his kids. She robbed my dad of the experience of having children that share his blood, his DNA. She's selfish as fuck. It wouldn't even be like this if she had said something earlier or not said anything at all.

I just want to know why.
+

Lauren POV

"When I found out I was pregnant, I vowed to be the best mom I could be, to guide them in the correct path, steer them away from the bullshit that would bring them down. My mother was who I looked up to. She made sure me and my siblings were always good." I sighed.

"I was always a good student, never got in trouble. All that changed when I met you. I changed. I started skipping school and sneaking out late at night just to see you. I remember when you would act like you were mad because I would sneak out but I know you wanted to see me just as much as I wanted to see you." I chuckled. "Every moment with you made me like you more and more. I loved how we would just walk around and talk for hours or some nights I would just come over just to sleep with you, cuddled up in your arms. I loved the little moments, they seem to mean so much more now that you're gone." I wiped the tears as they continued to fall.

"My parents never wanted to believe I was becoming someone other than who they wanted me to be. I hated it because they wouldn't let me see you or go out with you when I wanted. My dad would try to stop me from going out. He would always look at me with disapproving eyes whenever I would come in after sneaking out." I smiled, remembering all the lectures my papi would give me. "I loved how protective they were but sometimes it was just too much and that pushed me away even more." I shook my head. "You know, when I got pregnant, things got worse. My Mamá was so upset and angry and to this day I still can't believe she kicked me out. I no think my parents were mad because I got pregnant but upset at who I was pregnant by. You were known as being a big druglord and I never thought I would fall for someone like you. But I did and I sometimes wonder what my life would've been like if I had walked away when I had the chance." I quietly sobbed into my hands, shaking my head. I looked up at the headstone of the man I fell in love with 20 years ago.

JAMES KASH WILLIAMS
BELOVED FATHER
LOYAL HUSBAND
DEAREST SON

I ran my hands over the handprints of Jurnee and Jarvae under the words. "I'm sorry that I betrayed you. I loved You more than I loved myself and everyday I regret cheating on you and becoming pregnant with another man's babies. Everyday I think about you and the times we had and I remember how the good outweigh the bad. I miss you so much Kash." I cried. "I wish you were still here to help me through this. Ever since you die, I been so lost. I was so stressed from your death, I miscarried what would've been our first baby. I married a man that abused me physically, sexually, emotionally, and verbally for years. A man that caused me to miscarry another baby. Ever since you die, I would loose a piece of myself everyday you wasn't here. I would look in the mirror and not recognize myself. I have been neglecting my children, my babies. I love them to death but I just cant take it anymore. They hate me. This world is not the place for me."

I looked up at the sky, Sobbing, my tears blurring my vision a little but I could see gray clouds slowly filling the sky. I looked down at the handgun in my lap then looked back up at the sky.

"I just want to be with you again. Everything was good when you were still here. I love my kids and I would do anything for them but they dont need me. They dont want me here anymore than I want to be here. I just want the pain to stop."

I took the safety off the gun and raised it to my temple. "I love you Jurnee. I love you Jarvae. I love you Jayden. I am sorry I disappointed you and I hope you guys can forgive me for doing this."

I placed my finger on the trigger and squeezed my eyes shut. . .