Blame it on me' ~ Post Malone

22.

I jumped down from the stairs and tried to walk away. If I had known that Austin was so close, I would have stayed. His breath blew into my face, and his shocked eyes immediately caught mine. Somewhere in the background, I heard Colby getting out of his feet. "I'll leave you two alone." I wanted to call Colby, shout at him to stay. But it was too late. The only thing you could hear was the soft summer wind and the thumping sound of the music inside. I wanted to stop looking into his eyes, but it didn't work. He could still keep my eyes imprisoned, just like before. Yes, that helped, Madison.

I felt a shock go through when I saw his eyes becoming watery. It hurt me to see him like that. It was a strange pain. A pain that is not injured. A pain that seemed to tear you down earlier and allowed to look helpless. He opened his mouth to say something but seemed unable to. His mouth closed again, and I saw his lip tremble. I could no longer look at him and tried to turn my eyes away. I managed with incredible difficulty.

I felt the tears and pain that came back to the surface. They couldn't stop anymore. I put my arms around my body. It seemed like I was trying to stick together. How could I refrain so intensely from this? It was just a boy. I answered my question myself. It wasn't just a boy; it was Austin. Something in me had always attracted me. His inner self often seemed much more beautiful than his outer appearance. It was like a beautiful flower dense in the spring and slowly revealed more of its inner secrets as it became summer.

I looked up, but that didn't seem to help. Just like my eyes, hiss was flooded. His eyes stared forward, strangely trying not to face his problem. Colby hadn't lied at all, really not at all. He had even presented it much better than it was. His eyes glanced back into mine a second, and I experienced an empty feeling within me.

It was weird. As if his eyes reflected the emptiness in my eyes. I was still terribly short with him. I only had to move my arms 10 centimeters forward, and I touched him. His tears made his breath irregular, and the wind blew my hair in his direction. As if they wanted to offer him a handkerchief. Despite the pain I had caused him, I had to comfort him. My fingers tickled, and I tried to wipe those damn tears off his face. His gaze stopped me. Every emotion I ever found in it, every treasure I ever saw, seemed to disappear. Stolen.

"I'm sorry, Austin." It sounded matt, superficial. It looked made-up. He shrugged, presumably because his voice would skip.

Wow, did I hurt him so much?

POV Austin;

Tears rolled down my cheeks like a waterfall. My eyes stared at an infinite point in the distance. I could not look at the pivot of my grief now. It would only cause a new tidal wave of pain. The past week had been hell. Madison avoided me, didn't want to talk to me. I was sure there was no hatred behind it. I wasn't an idiot. I saw the tears sparkle in her eyes before she quickly wiped them away. I saw the pain and sorrow in her eyes. It all had to do with me. But what had I done wrong? The uncertainty seemed to tear me apart. One part wanted to go further, but that part was small. The other part was ten times as big, and I did not give up. It was an impossible battle.

I refused to give up. Or at least that was my plan halfway through this week. The more she avoided me, the fiercer I realized that I was striving for something impossible. It was good that I had a small tour ahead of me. I would be gone for two months, just back in time to enjoy the Christmas holiday. There were many positive things about touring. Traveling, performing, sightseeing.

Nevertheless, there was a significant negative side to touring. You had a lot of time. The time that was often occupied by thought. Something I would instead not do at the moment. The night suddenly seemed a lot darker because of all the pain surrounding me. It seemed to follow me like a rain cloud. Undesirable and annoying. Madison began to sob harder, and in the meantime, she sighed. "I can't, Austin." Her eyes were staring at me now, and it seemed impossible to avoid them. "I know I hurt you, and I'm sorry. But I can't. I am too broken; I am not good for you." Her finger came trembling closer to my face, and when I was about to ask what she was doing, she rubbed the tears from my face. Her touch was warm and soft.

I wanted her closer to me; I wanted to feel her in my arms right now. Now I didn't care that I would hurt myself even more. My arms curled around her body and pulled her against me. That's how we stood there. Both broken, both hurt, and yet in each other's arms.

What did life suck!