Castaways

twenty-seven.

"I've only told a few people this first part, and that wasn't until today... Um, I like boys?"

"What?" I asked, genuinely shocked. Ashton never mentioned anything about that, but then again he never mentioned anyone before, which, now that I think about it, is kinda strange. 

"I-I'm gay. I like boys... Woah, not boys, I'm not some perv who likes 12-year-old boys, I mean I like-"

"I get it, honey. I mean, it's not like I saw it coming, but I get it. And it's not like I see you any differently. I love you, and you're still the Ashton I slapped because I thought he was touching my ass..." He laughed at that. He always said he just bumped into me, but I never believed him... Until now, I guess. "Which, now that I know, I guess you weren't doing that after all... Is that all?" I asked, not seeing how this situation is relatable. Ok, that sounded bad, I am so glad he's decided to open up to me, but he said something about a similar situation, and I'm just not getting it. 

"Not even close," he sighed out. 

"There's more?"

"A lot more." When I nodded for him to go on, he looked genuinely scared, so I reached for his hand. 

"Umm... Now, this really is the first time I'm telling anyone this... I said I like boys?" He started, and I nodded for him to go on. "Well, that's not the whole truth... I like boy. Like, one, in particular, probably the only person I've ever liked like that... I-I like Calum."

"Calum, as in skirt-chasing, straight-as-a-ruler Calum?" I asked, and he nodded, scratching the back of his head. 

"Yeah, I'm kinda...in love with him, I guess?" 

"How long?" I asked, and I tried not to show pity in my voice. But I guess I couldn't help it. Come on! Thinking about watching the person you're in love with and know you could never be with him? I don't mean to sound hopeless, but Calum is straight. 

"As long as I can remember," He said, then chuckled to himself, "I mean I only realized it a couple of years ago. Start of my Junior Year, I think, but then I started thinking about how long I've felt that way, and it's basically since 4th grade."

"Ash, I... I don't even know what to say," I reached, running a hand through his hair, and he calmed a bit. Now that I think about it, though, Calum has always been closer to Ash than... anyone. Not Luke, or Michael, or his parents, or even Mali... The only person that even comes close is Makayla. But that's only because he's in love with... Oh. 

Oh.

Calum's in love with Ashton. 

"But there's more," Ashton said before I could even breathe.

"More?"

"You know Calum's party the other night?" He carried on and after I nodded, he took a deep breath, "Well, Makayla got really drunk, and she... She kissed me," he said, shrugging uncomfortably, "and I didn't stop her."

"So...you're not gay? Sorry, I'm just kind of confused."

"Yeah, me too." He laughed, which made me laugh, and soon we were just laughing, collapsing on our backs on the bed. Soon enough, Ashton had calmed down, "I don't know what I am." He said eventually, and I looked over to him.

"That's okay. You don't have to know. You're 18, Ash, you don't have to know everything about yourself. What's a better time to discover yourself than a zombie apocalypse?" 

Ash couldn't help but laugh, saying, "Literally any other time, Sierra..."

"So what're you gonna do now?" I asked.