Guardian

Chapter 5

Skye

Breathe. You have to make yourself breathe or you're going to be sick"

I thought to myself as I ran out of the clubhouse and past the garage. The picnic tables were my goal but I didn't make it that far. My knees gave out from under me as I started to completely break down. My heart was racing and the sound of a rushing ocean is thrumming in my ears.

I can't do this. I won't do this with him again. Once everyone is asleep tonight I'll leave. Go somewhere out toward the east coast. Maybe the Outer Banks.

The sound of boots approaching gets louder as I finish puking the rest of my lunch up. I don't even look to see who's approached me. Trying to slow my breathing, I focus on inhaling fresh air and exhaling the taste of vomit.

"Easy lass take a few breaths it's okay." Chibs pats my back as I try to catch my breath. Having anxiety blew. Especially anxiety on top of stress.

"I don't think I can do this Filip. I just need to go. Getaway to a state with no connections to the SOA" I tell my once best friend.

"You can't leave love. It's not safe for you outside that fence and you know this. The Guardians probably have people out there watching you as we speak. There's no way you'd get to the East. They would have you in their arms in a matter of hours you know that right?"

"He said he still loves me, Filip, how can he stand there and lie to my face like that"?

"He's not lying to ye lass. Yeah, you know as well as I do he's been fucking anything he can get his cock in since he made you go. But it's just sex to him. Tig gets his rocks off and then kicks them out of his bed. He hasn't made love to any women since you."

Chibs words sink in slightly as I attempt to stand. His hand is on my arm is seconds, helping me to stand. He helps me walk toward the picnic table. I sit down on the bench while Chib opts to sit on the actual table. Chibs reaches into his kutte and takes out a pack of cigarettes. Reaching for the zippo on his side, he offers me a drag before putting the cigarette to his lips. I know he's tiptoeing around the obvious reason for my panic attack. Tig tells him everything, why would this be any different. We sit in silence until he finishes his cigarette. Flicking it out into the parking lot he begins to speak.  

"Tiggy told me what happened lass. I'm so very sorry for your loss. I know it was probably the hardest thing you've had to go at alone. Just know, if he would have known ..."

"He would have kept me here and resented me for giving him a child with a woman he didn't love anymore Filip. He changed so much after Dawn died. He pushed me away, and that's when he stopped loving me."

All is quiet at the clubhouse for a few minutes. No music, no loud Harley exhausts. Not even crickets.

"I can't change your mind lass. All I'm going to say is he wanted it all with you. The house with a yard, the PTA meetings for six or seven wee ones. You were it for him, Skye. You're still it for him. One of these days you're going to have to forgive him for doing what he thought was right. I know ye still love him."

I'm at a loss for words. I want to believe what Chibs is saying. Hell, my heart literally feels like it could sing at the moment. But my mind is telling me not to fall into that trap that is Alex Trager's heart again. Chibs stands and stretches, going up on his tiptoes.  

"Come on lass, I'm exhausted and after that episode, I have a feeling you are too."

"I can't go inside Filip. I have no place to sleep except Tigs room and.."

"He's not here love. Took off after what happened in the kitchen. He's staying at Jax's house tonight to give you space."

He holds out his hand to me and I carefully take it. I know the moment I walk through that door everyone is going to be glancing at me.

"How opposed would you be to me just sleeping in my Jeep tonight?"

"Not a chance Skye," Chibs replied as we began our slow walk toward the clubhouse. As we open the door for me he pats my shoulders. "Just make a beeline for the bedroom and go to bed. I have a feeling you and Mr.Trager are going to have a long discussion tomorrow."

I barely slept two hours last night. No matter what I did, I could not get comfortable. The sun is once again shining through the window and for once I wish it would disappear behind the clouds for a day. It takes all of my will power just to roll on my side. Hiding out in here won't be so bad today. At least I won't be told to keep my cock box closed while I'm here. I think to myself as I bury myself further under my blankets.

What seems like months later I hear a small knock at the door. I don't even lift my head as I hear it open. The sound of big boots hitting the floor comes to the side of the bed. he stands there for a few seconds before he takes in a deep breath. I can smell last nights Tequila rolling off of him.

"Don't talk to me without a shower Alex. You smell like a cheap bar," I mumble. He stands beside the bed for a few more seconds before I hear his kutte land on the couch. Without a word, he heads towards the bathroom and closes the door. The sound of running water lures me into a slight slumber. I just want a few more minutes of peace before the argument of the year takes place.

The water turns off and I hear the bathroom door open. I feel the bed give as he sits on the side. The smell of his Old Spice is much preferred compared to the stale Tequila smell. I focus on my breaths, knowing he's going to be the first one to speak.

"Skylar, words cannot describe how sorry I am for making you leave. I thought you would be better off, Safer without me, without the club. All I did was put you in more danger."

I hear him swallow. Trying to hold back the tears that I myself am letting fall freely.

"You lost our child because of me and I will never be able to make that right. I just want you to know, I'll spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you. To our child." he finishes.

I carefully roll over to face him. He has his back to me. Wearing nothing but a pair of black boxers. He's running his hands through his hair which is curlier than usual with the humidity. He has several scars on his sides an back. Most of them are from his time in the Marines. The rest are from being Seargent at Arms. I carefully reach out and touch one made from a bullet exit. He jumps slightly. Guess my fingers are cold.

My mind doesn't catch onto what my mouth is saying.

"Lay down with me Alex. We're both exhausted and need sleep."

Tig looks over his shoulder at me as I scoot over onto my side of the bed. He's hesitant. Wanting to make sure I actually mean it. Eventually, he lays down facing me. His arm is under my pillow like it always was. I focus on his face. Noting his nose has been broken again since the last time I really looked at him.

"Still haven't mastered the art of headbutting have you Tiggy," I ask running a finger down the bridge of his nose.  He smiles at me and closes his eyes.

"It's still a work in progress doll."