A Day In The Life

Masking

This is not a happy chapter. Masking is a serious issue.

Masking is when an autistic person forces themselves (or is forced by someone else) to cover up their autistic qualities and act "normal(neurotypical)".

This can come in a lot of different forms:
-Forcing self to endure sensory issues(can be extremely painful)
-Forcing self not to stim (can mess with energy levels, focus, and also be painful)
-Forcing self to ignore ableist language and slurs directed at self

And so forth so on, I'm sure you at least have a vague idea of what I mean.

Now if you haven't read the "background" chapter, you might want to do that before continuing (there is some info in there you will need to know).

For pretty much all of my life, I have masked every single autistic quality I have. For anyone who says I "didn't need to do that" I was bullied for being "sensitive", "stupid", and a "crybaby" whenever I acknowledged my sensory issues or stimming needs.

Because of this, I am still discovering the extent of some of my symptoms. I shoved my sensory issues down(which had a horrible effect on me that I'll talk about in later chapters because of the content that it is), so I'm still figuring out what I need to deal with them, and what I can avoid.

For example, sound and touch are my biggest issues. To help with this, I became on online student. This is my second year doing online school (I'm in my junior year of high school) and it is amazing. I don't have to worry about touching their students or all the noise.

On the more non-autistic benefits side of things, I don't have to worry about packing lunch (I can make food at home, or go out with my dad), I don't have to worry about carrying heavy books everywhere, or having a locker, or getting to class on time, the list goes on and on!

Also, dress code. Since there is no dress code for my current school, I can wear whatever I want! This allows me to avoid my sensory touch issues with clothing.

One big drawback that a lot of people see to online school is the social aspect, but I'll go into that in a later chapter.

I think I might have gotten a little off topic here... my point was that by switching to online school, I was able to stop masking and actually figure out how to live with my autism!

Occasionally I still try to mask (I did it consistently for almost 16 years y'all, it's an instinct), but I'm working on not doing that.

If you're having the same issue, I am here for you if you need to talk. It's okay to not have everything figured out right now!

And if you are in a situation where you're not safe to stop masking, my messages are always open. You can also find me on Instagram at better_than_magic_personal, or better_than_magic_arts. And on tumblr as BetterThanMagicArts, as well as my tik tok at better_than_magic. I am on all of those accounts at least once a day, so if you need anything just message me.

If you're messaging me on tik tok, comment on one of my videos that you need to talk to me (we have to be following each other to use direct messages).