" Tyler, I'm just saying, I-"
"I don't give a fuck anymore, G! Y'all can't help me, I can't help me! No one can... Its no use"
"ty..."
"just leave, I don't want to hurt you". I watched as all the hope I had left walked out of my room. Hodgy was my best friend, I knew that, but all the help he gave me never worked. All the help I ever had failed to succeed. I had issues, but I can't get rid of them. No matter how hard I try. I felt so alone. My mom gave up on me, she left me in Dr.TC's hands, but he doesn't help...i know he tries.
its just me.
I heard a car door slam outside my window and listened as it pulled off. My hope is officially gone. Even though hodgy knew I couldn't be changed, he tries his hardest to help my case. Alot of my friend stayed throughout it all, but just like hodgy, I told them to just leave. They didn't argue about it like he did, so I guess I know who my ride or die's are.
I got so fucking mad sitting by myself...no one to relay my emotions to, or take the anger out on. My heart was paining me everytime I thought about her... Renée. She was my everything, she completed me... But I guess that was when I lost it- when she left.
"aw, fuck", I sighed. My mom wasn't home, and even if she was, she wouldn't be of any help. My younger sister was at a friends, it was just me and her dumb dog.
I can go to Dr.TC's place...
I walk for what seems like forever to Dr.TC's office. Its not that long of a walk, really... I just walk through the wooded area between my house and the main street and cross it to his office. It just seems long because I take my damn time and think things over when I walk. I stare at trees and flowers and I even saw a deer. I scared that little fucker away. Who messes with deer? Hunters maybe...
I approached the main street and darted across. I walked to the office and Dr.TC was talking to they secretary.
"Tyler... You don't have a session today..? What's going on?"
"alot.", I said as I walked towards the room, " I need to talk before I do something I'll regret". He put a folder in front of the nurse, "hold on Brenda..."
"I hate her", I blatantly said when the door was shut. Dr.TC looked confused for a second, "oh...Renée, right?". I nodded." And how does that make you feel", he said leaning into his swivel chair.
"how the fuck do you think it makes me feel?", I laughed, "I'm pissed, and besides...i didn't even tell you what happened...don't get overwhelmed, doc".
"well...what happened, Tyler?"
"that dumb bitch made up lies about me, told the office, had me in the office, and I lost a best friend"
"a friend?...because of her?"
"well...no, not exactly. I told him to leave to protect him- from me...because of her"
"you can't blame that on her, you didn't lose a friend if he wasn't upset. You were a nice person to ask him to leave... Protecting others is one of your priorities I can tell"
"yeah, I guess. But she gets me steamed. I hate her. I feel like its not my fault to be like this- its hers"
"or is it the fact that you have no father figure?", TC said. He always brings this up and it makes me so mad. I gave him a straight face, "T...no, you know I don't have issues with that. Don't blame my dad- fuck him, I don't care about him". He nodded, but I could tell he wasn't listening. TC always said my emotions were all caused by my dad, but I stopped giving fucks about my dad years ago, when I found talent. We sat in silence as TC took notes, then that Brenda lady barged in.
"Dr.TC, your 4:30 is here", she said.
"I'll be out soon", TC muttered. I stared at her until she peeked her head back out of the door and left. "I thought our sessions were private", I said. TC looked up from his clipboard, "oh, its probably because you don't have a session... She walked in because you aren't on the list so technically if you aren't scheduled, then you don't have a session".
"sooo...what is this?", I slouched in my chair, "you telling me dumb shit I don't wanna hear? A waste of my fucking time?".
"you said it was important, so I took you in for a few minutes, but there's nothing I can really do now...i mean,I helped you as best as I could". I stood up in my chair,
"whatever, TC... I'm done..... I'm beginning to think your no help at all", I walked to the door, "I hope you can help your '4:30'". I turned the door handle and heard TC begin to say something, but I shut the door. I wouldn't want to waste any more of anyone's "precious time". I headed down the short hall when Renée crossed my mind, then anger filled my heart. I stopped walking for a second, thinking I should turn around and give TC an actual piece of my mind, but then I ignored the thought- "4:30" is waiting. I walked to the desk and almost began to sign out, but the stank look Brenda gave me reminded me that I didn't have a scheduled appointment.
"and don't forget that I have an appointment this Thursday, Mrs. Brenda... I hope you won't surprise us with another unruly visit, but have a nice day", I smirked. She shot me another dirty look and this kid, probably 13, stood up and walked towards the back. "huh", I muttered,"you too, 4:30, don't let TC waste your time". He must've heard me, because he laughed.
"I sure won't...not this time", I heard him say as I walked out. I smiled.
at least someone understands that issue
