Lately i didn't feel like myself to the point where i kind of feel like i don't even if i am really me or not.
Today has been a new day for me, school has started again since yesterday, i'm in high school now & honestly i don't like it so far.
I do know that it's only the beginning and that i didn't even do anything yet but still, feeling blue isn't really something that make you feel like everything will be better later even though i do know that too.
& seriously it's not even the fact that i'm in high school now that bothers me but more the fact that it's something new; i've never been able to deal with new things.
I hate with my whole being feeling like that but it happens every year and because of this, the month of September is really not my favorite, it's the one i don't want to face every time but life goes on so does the time so i don't have any choice, right?
I don't have any power on it so at some point, when it's october and that the beginning of the school year has been past, i just tell myself to accept what is happening & that someday i will just have fun at this time of the year, without anything troubling my mind but since i'm a person who has her feet on the ground with a bit of a pessimist mind, the other part of myself tells me that it's not that worth it to think about all those good things about the future because i don't even know what tomorrow is made of so i shouldn't pay too much attention on it.
I've been working on this part of myself for the past 2 years soon & i'm honestly glad i did so because before, my mind was a whole mess, it was worst than now; the me at the beginning of my process to make myself better, i really hope that i will never find it again.
& for that i honestly have to thank three of my best friends, i was already close with one of them, three to four years ago and then i found another really good friend a year after, she was also friend with my first friend so we just started to do things together and my really good friend was and is still someone who could make me feel better with her energy so i just stayed with them everytime and my whole self started to feel quite better, my third friend is a lovely person that i met through twitter and she made me feel good from the beginning, this friend is three years older than me so i thought that it will bothers her but absolutely not, she was ok with it and it's really good because i felt like a part of a "thing"; also i can not forget the boys, they made me feel so much better too, i started to smile, laugh more and found a persona in me that i liked; since then, i'm just working on myself but things sometimes catch me back.
If i think about this seriously, i think that it's the moment where i started to finally love myself for who i was and to change into someone that i wanted myself to feel better with because that is the moment i also started to feel happy; i made a lot of memories with them since then and i have a lot more to create yet.
I concentrated more into things i liked in life and started to work on those things.
I'm looking forward to my future self and i hope for the best because i should work hard even if it's difficult but i also have to have fun with people and things that i have in life.
& i have to own who i am.
I saw a quote one day which said:
"Who you were yesterday does not matter as much as who you are right now"
