WHAT I AM

What he is

I remember being ten years old and my mom putting makeup on me for fun, at first I felt disgusted with the thought of makeup being on me but when my mom turned me towards the mirror, a small gasp escape my lips. I felt pretty, I felt beautiful something I didn't feel before

"Look at my cute girl," my mom jokes

A blush creeps on my face "yeah" I mutter feeling sad that this will only happen one time and that's it

My mom sees how sad I look, her smile goes away "hey you wanna know something" she says smiling cheekily putting her arms around my shoulder

"Yeah," I say

"Guys can wear makeup if they want too," she says

I tilt my head to the side waiting for her to explain

"Guys can wear whatever they want! Whether it be dresses or makeup, boys can wear it" she says

A smile forms on my lips "so I can wear makeup if I want too!"

She nods her head "of course you can but you can't tell daddy" she explains

I raise a brow "why?"

She opens her mouth but closes it again "um sweetie, you just can't, how about we keep this between you and I, ok?"

I put a finger between my lips "our secret mommy"

She chuckles kissing me on my cheek "yes baby our secret"

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It was our secret for 3 years, my mom was a makeup artist and my dad was a singer for his Christian rock band so he was never home with me and my mom which was fine but sometimes my mom will get upset with my dad being gone all the time but she understood. My dad being gone meant more alone time with my mom, she taught me how to do my makeup, she always did such a good job. I would sometimes get so jealous of how she did such a killer job and I sucked but she always said "it takes time" so with that I practiced and practiced until I finally was doing a good job.

____

"Your dad will, of course, be away for a while again," my mom says rolling her eyes

"Oh ok," I say being slightly disappointed, my dad said he was gonna make time to see us today but of course his stupid band was always his first option than his own family. My mom raised me my entire childhood, she taught me how to shave, how to throw a damn ball (even though I suck at sports but she tried)

"Whatever, do you wanna challenge me, on who can draw their eyebrows on faster," she says grabbing her makeup bag 

I smirk "you're on"

_____

When I turned 14, I was a good makeup artist and around this age, I was getting into fashion with that being said, my mom loved fashion, she took me to the store and told me I can get whatever I want. I was nervous because I've always wanted to try somethings that people may find weird on a boy.

"Mom," I say getting her attention

"Yes baby" she answers back

"Can I.. um maybe try on a dress?" putting my head down waiting for her to say how much of a freak I was

She tilts my head up "you can try on whatever you want baby, don't you ever feel ashamed about what makes you feel comfortable," giving me a reassuring smile