1981 (Jim Hopper)

Don't Go

"You followed me."

"You called me a pig... again."

"Because this is extremely selfish of you. Aren't you worried? What if we die Hop, what if you lose me?"

Hopper stayed silent, beating his fingers against the steering wheel.

"It'd probably be easier for you, huh?" I cross my arms and fall back into the seat.

"It would. But it's not like I want to lose you. It's a story about your best friend, I'd be undergoing the investigation, Hawkins has been nice enough to not bring it up, but every news station in America? Come on, kid."

"You're paranoid! Who would say anything?!"

"Anyone!"

Again, silence.

"Do you hate... being with me?" My chin quivers.

"Hannah, stop."

"No, come on, Chief, tell me!" I yell.

"Hannah! Why?! Why would I hate being with you?! What do you want me to say?!"

"You're embarrassed!"

"A little bit, yeah!"

The tears just start flowing, I didn't even hold back, I let them run down my cheeks in a hot waterfall.

With my arms still crossed, I stared out the window, hoping the next hour would be painless but, it wasn't... Hopper was embarrassed of me...

We pull into the driveway, the house feeling somewhat unfamiliar as I stepped inside. I knew it was because I was angry but... I had every right to be angry. My friend was possibly in trouble, the town, too, and my older boyfriend who could actually do something about it, was too embarrassed to, too embarrassed to even be my boyfriend.

"Hannah..."

"Save it, Hopper. I- I think I should leave. Completely."

"What?" Hopper froze in his place and stared at me, not even with a look of worry just... disbelief.

"Hannah..."

"You keep saying my name, but literally, what, Jim?"

"Don't leave me." His voice was hoarse.

"You're not giving me much of a choice. Either I stay here and act oblivious because you're so afraid of people finding out about our taboo relationship, or I leave, keep myself safe and wish Hawkins the best."

"I can't lose you."

"It's easier for you, remember?"

Hopper inches closer and just sits down on the couch, still staring off in some sort of daze,

"Hannah..."

"God, Jim-" I trail, about to head off to the bedroom to gather my things.

But I'm taken into his grip, his tight, tight grip. Bear arms completely enclosed around my hips, pressing his warm cheek into my stomach as I feel his whole body tremble. I can hear his shaky breath below me, as if he were repressing every urge inside of him to stop himself from... feeling.

"J-Jim." I say softly, resting my palm on his back, just below his neck.

I tug gently at his hair and feel him just let go, sobbing into me. I feel him cry, I hear him cry, a guttural sound coming from him as he tried so hard to stop himself from being emotional.

"I don't want to lose anything else, Hannah, please, don't go..." He came out in different volumes, his voice cracking.

His hands found the back of my shirt and tugged so hard I could hear the thread ripping.

"I'll tell countries if I have to, I promise... Hannah, please..."

It broke my heart though, to hear him promise me something that went completely against how he was feeling. As angry as I was, he was allowed to feel how he felt, and no matter what I did, wanted, it wouldn't play out the way he wanted. How was that fair? I wanted the absolute best for him, everything he can't even imagine right now, I wanted him happy, I wanted him alive, I wanted him refreshed, safe, I loved the ever living shit out of him. I wasn't the best for him. I couldn't be. Not when it cause him this much inner conflict. Right?

Hearing him in agonizing pain over it though, that hurt, too. I wanted to make him feel better, I wanted him to stop crying... it made my heart hurt so incredibly bad to hear him bawling like that. My rugged, hot headed, strong best friend, lover, was reduced to the smallest I'd ever seen him and it was breaking me.

Finally, I lifted his head up, my finger tips to his chin, and pressed my lips onto his.

"Let's talk in the morning... I think we both could use some sleep." I sigh, looking down into the beautiful eyes.

I'd never forget those eyes. How could I forget those eyes?

"Please sleep next to me."

I chuckle a bit, "where else would I sleep? The pull out? Never again."

He smiles and kisses me even harder, the salt from his tears lingering on my lips.

And as we lay into bed, Hopper pulling me tightly into him, spooning me until I'm almost completely out of breath, I sit and wonder about exactly how I'll do it. How I'll word it. No matter what I do, it's going to hurt him. It'll hurt but... I hope he learns to appreciate the hurt. I'm doing this for us. For him. For me. For Hawkins. For Elliot... for the other people like her.

And after a few hours of laying in his soothing arms, listening to the rumble of his gentle snore, getting in every last bit I could of his warmth, his presence, I peeled his arm from my hip. It physically pained me to do it, and as I made my way through the house, the tears came flowing back. My stomach was tying itself into a thick, tangled mess.

My bare feet planted onto the cool floor of the kitchen as I searched for the tiniest bit of light. I ended up going for the oven, turning on the light just above the stove before I sat down at the table with a sheet of paper, a pen, and a whole lot on my mind.