And So The Lamb Became the Wolf

9. Both is Good

Rosalie laid on her bed. She was trying to read Gone with the Wind. She had always found Scarlett to be a painfully problematic heroine, but the book had always been one of her favorites. The book had been released three years after she turned and was the first book she was able to read in her new life. Rosalie had identified with parts of Scarlett. She had seen herself in the image of the beautiful heroine and her foolish ways. Rosalie had been like pre-war Scarlett: She had been beautiful, foolish, and looking for nothing but love. She wasn't in love before she died, she was in love with the idea of love. At eighteen Rosalie had known nothing of true love, and neither had sixteen-year-old Scarlett. Scarlett O'Hara had remained strong and pushed her way through everything, and Rosalie learned she would as well. After all, "Burdens are for shoulders strong enough to carry them."

Rosalie hated to admit it, but the book had also shown her how foolish she had been in her treatment of black people. Rosalie hadn't been racist, not on purpose, but she had been nursing racist tendencies instilled in her by her family. Her nanny had been black. Her family had a maid, and she had been black. Rosalie had adjusted to a world where darker people worked in servant positions. When the civil rights movement began Rosalie had happily joined in. She had worked with a fervor that had surprised her family. Only Edward knew she was attempting to work off the pang of guilt that had pervaded her since she read Gone with the Wind the first time. From the treatment of Mammy to the 'house blacks' versus the 'field blacks' Rosalie had tried to work off that guilt. It had been a different time, she told herself. The first time Edward tried to reassure her about that fact she punched him in the throat hard enough to cause cracks in his skin that spidered down to his chest. He left her alone after that. She did take solace in his words though.

Today, however, Rosalie couldn't focus on her favorite novel. She sighed and set the book down open across her chest. Rose had barely made it into Chapter 2. Scarlett was mourning her love of the great Ashley Wilkes, a 'man who used his leisure time for thinking, not doing.' Rosalie remembered when she had loved a man. He had been a monster. She hadn't loved someone before that, and she certainly hadn't loved anyone since that. She kept everyone at arm's length except for her family. When Carlisle had 'saved' Rosalie he had hoped she would be a companion for Edward. Rosalie had found the idea of an eternity with Edward oppressive and depressing. When she had rescued Emmett, Rosalie had hoped he would be her mate. Emmett was sweet. He was impossibly kind. He was strong and could protect her from any threat. Rosalie didn't need protecting, but it was comforting to know that someone could if she wanted them to. The spark just hadn't been there though. He was too pure for her. He was too happy. He hadn't found his mate yet, so sometimes they separated from the family and masqueraded as a married couple.

In Forks students occasionally assumed that Emmett was her boyfriend, and that didn't bother Rosalie. She was tired of being stared at by horny teenage boys. They were disgusting. She had seen enough accidental boners to know that letting teenage males fear Emmett was the shield she needed. She knew that people thought she was a bitch. She let them. She was tired of people looking only at her chest. She was tired of wolf whistles as she walked down the street. It was exhausting to go out in public and know that people were imagining her naked. She couldn't remember the last time a human had looked at her and seen her as a person, not as an object.

Rosalie thought about that and realized it wasn't true. Recently a human – well mostly human- had looked at her and seen her. It seemed that Bella Swan was seeing Rosalie. Rosalie couldn't remember Bella ever looking her in the eyes before last week. Now Bella was a completely different person. She was relaxed. She was at ease. Bella was confident and seemed to want to spend time with Rosalie. She was apparently comfortable enough to go wolf and attack Rosalie. Her scent, which everyone else said was unpleasant, was relaxing to Rosalie. She thought about Bella's ultimatum – a jeep or a date - and wondered which she would choose. It would be so easy to just buy the wolf a Jeep and tell her to go away. But, Rosalie thought to herself, it could also be kind of exciting to hang out with someone outside her family.