the boy on the bridge ✔️

21. confront boy

"Well here goes nothing," Josh mutters as he finally gets out of his car.

His safe option is gone now. He can't drive back to his house unnoticed anymore since Elliot has seen him. But he still can drive away really; there is nothing stopping him — actually he wants to drive away, especially after making his presence known ever so graciously.

It is just that he already drove there and wasted half an hour sitting in his car, he doesn't want all that to be for nothing. And also, Josh really wants to end all the confusion brewing in his mind — he can't possibly take it any longer.

Encouraging himself, he makes his way into the shop, Josh doesn't have to do anything to make his presence known — anything more at least. And neither does the bell that rings jingles when he opens the bakery's door. Elliot is already looking intently at the door.

"Josh," Elliot calls out his name is surprise — the blond doesn't fail to register the lack of his nickname.

In fact, Josh can't remember a single time Elliot has called by his name — it has always been golden boy. Josh can't help but feel a little... stung by it. Or maybe he is just reading a lot into things that probably doesn't even matter a lot; he tends to do that a lot, and especially wherever it concerns this particular boy who is standing before him.

"You're here," Elliot states the very obvious.

"I'm here," Josh corresponds anyway as if he will disappear otherwise.

"So...um," the curly-haired boy scratches the back of his ear unsurely and Josh listens in closely, holding his breath for what he might have to say — he is completely cheated though when Elliot only asks, "Shall I get you anything?"

Like he's just another customer. Like they haven't talked in days. Like he doesn't even care.

Josh tries to ignore the lump that has formed at his throat, and forces out a, "No,"

Elliot nods and looks around, his eyes never staying on Josh for more than a few seconds, "Okay, so..."

Suddenly this all feels wrong. Very wrong. And Josh doesn't want to be there anymore. He shouldn't even have come in the first place. Why did he have to talk to Ming? Why did he have to listen to her? Why did he have to see him?

Stupid. Stupid. So stupid.

He shakes his head, and takes a step back, "This, um..." he shakes his head more forcibly and takes one last look at the curly-haired boy, "Nothing. I just... I'm gonna go. Bye," with that he turns around and rushes out.

He hears or maybe he thinks he hears Elliot call after him but Josh doesn't stop. He makes his way to the car, his eyes burning from pure embarrassment and also this feeling of being cheated. He wishes he had the power to be back in his room in just a split second.

But before Josh can actually leave — he must have only taken a couple of steps out of the bakery, a hand reaches and tugs at his wrist, forcing him to stop.

"Wait," it's Elliot again.

Maybe it'll be better if Josh just left instead of possibly subjecting himself to more hurt, and the old Josh would have done just that — he was never good at confrontation anyways — but still, something in him made him want to stop and hear him out.

Taking in a deep breath, he turns around and wills himself to gather a little courage before looking up at him, into his eyes. Josh cannot ignore the shock when he realises the green of his eyes doesn't hold the usual intensity they usually do. Instead they look toned down, almost exhausted.

Only then, Josh is pulled out of his own woe-is-me state and properly looks at the boy before him — his face looks sunken in, and there are prominent dark circles under his eyes, and he has always been skinny, but he looks even more skinnier right then.

Elliot gives him a little smile, but it barely reaches his eyes.

He looks just as bad as Josh, if not worse.

Clearly there is something going on with him. And maybe that's why he didn't show up at the bridge. He realises this much. But also this teeny whiny voice at the back of his head still makes him wonder if Elliot didn't really want to see him, and that maybe he is making it worse by being there right then.

Josh slowly pulls his wrist from Elliot's hold and takes a step back, clearing his throat, putting some more distance between them. And just before he looks away, he catches how the already small smile on his lips becomes even smaller at Josh's distance.

Josh forces himself to not think how he feels about that. It's already too much seeing Elliot, and having him stand before him; he can't add anything more to that. He decides to focus on things one by one. For now, he is going to wait and see if Elliot has anything to say to him after all; if he doesn't, Josh is going to leave and not look back no matter how much hard it is.

Elliot takes a deep breath and exhales sharply. He does this one more time before saying, "You can't just show up and leave like that. Not again,"

Josh's eyebrows rise more than an inch, not expecting that at all. Yes, he did leave rather abruptly the other day, but has he forgotten how he is the one who stopped showing up to the bridge in the first place?

The blond doesn't say anything out loud though, keeping his eyes on the brunet before him, waiting for him to continue. Surely, he must have more to say. But apparently not.

Josh stifles a scoff, and shakes his head — he really should stop expecting so much and then be sad when he is inevitably let down.

"I'm sorry," Josh doesn't even know what he is apologising for — he only knows he wants to get out of there as fast as he can, "I won't come here again,"

He starts to turn around but is once again stopped when Elliot quickly replies.

"Really? That's why you came here all the way here for — to say sorry?"

"I don't know," Josh cries out and then stops himself, fisting both of his hands, digging his nails into the palms of his hand and keeping them strictly at his sides. He takes a few deep breaths, trying to control his overwhelming emotions, before continuing in a more controlled manner, "I... What do you want me to say?" he decides on finally.

"What you came here to tell me," Elliot answers without missing a beat.

"I don't why I came here, okay. It's clearly a mistake, so I'm just going to leave," Josh cannot look at him anymore; his eyes are burning so much. He fixes his gaze on the gravel.

"A mistake?"

He lifts his shoulder, "That's what you think, isn't it?"

"No. Of course not," and then after a few seconds, "Josh, will you look at me?"

He wants to shake his head no, but something about his voice makes him do otherwise. He takes in a deep breath, before slowly lifting his gaze until he met the other boy's green eyes. They aren't quite as dull now, but they still aren't the eyes he is used to either. There is something missing in them, and Josh just can't figure out what.

"I–," Elliot starts to say something but is interrupted by someone calling him.

"Elio," it's a woman from the bakery — his owner, Josh thinks, "What are you doing out there? There are customers in here waiting for you,"

"Yeah, I'll be with you in a sec," he yells back at her, before turning to Josh, "I, um–" he scratches the back of his head, looking between Josh and the bakery.

Josh lets out a low sigh, "It's okay, go," and starts to turn around.

"Hey," he grabs Josh's wrist once again before the blond can leave, "I'll be there tonight,"

Of course, he doesn't have to clarify where there is. And Josh wishes he can believe him, he really does, but he just can't. He won't.

But still, he puts on a smile and nods. And then, he leaves.

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