Lights, Camera, Kiss Me

Chapter 12: Thought We Were Friends

If I hadn't been so close to falling apart, I might have been sort of amused by the stunned expression on his face.

"You're obviously exhausted. Let me give you a lift."

"Don't worry about it. I'm sure you're exhausted too. You should go straight home."

"I'm not leaving you to catch a tram," he says, sounding horrified.

"I'll be fine."

"Mac, you're so tired you can barely stand by yourself. Are you telling me you'd rather catch a midnight tram than get in the car with me?"

"It's not like that," I say.

❤️✨❤️✨❤️

✯Ryan✯

But it is like that. I'm trying not to feel hurt by Mac's obvious reluctance to accept a ride from me, but it is useless. I do feel hurt. A lot of things have changed in the past few months, but her sudden lack of desire to be around me is definitely the hardest to handle.

Last year, she wouldn't have hesitated to let me drive her home. Now, it seems as if she would rather walk the dark Melbourne streets alone or catch a tram by herself than get in the car with me. I know she has her reasons, but I can't help but miss the easy moments of friendship we shared before everything became so damn complicated between us.

Of course, part of my exhaustion also comes from this constant battle of having to fight my feelings towards her. I've done my best to push them down, but when we locked lips just now, they came raging to the surface again. The kiss damn near knocked me silly, just like the rest of the day had.

Holding Mac in my arms, and then having to let her go, was so hard that I almost didn't. I want her. Not just as someone to go to bed with. I want...more. The kind of 'more' that feels impossible, especially when Mac is trying to do everything in her power to avoid me.

With her job on the line and Blainesworth breathing down her neck, I understand her reasons, but it still sucks. The idea of Mac becoming my girlfriend has grown in my mind out of nowhere. Maybe it's the crazy-ass day, or maybe it's the feelings that keep surfacing no matter how hard I try to push them away. But it doesn't matter now, does it? It's not what she wants.

It's probably for the best. The chances of us lasting for any period of time in the industry that we work in are unlikely. To believe otherwise makes me delusional. I haven't yet had a relationship that lasted beyond three months. I might hope for things to be different with Mac, but how could I be sure?

Asking her to risk it all for something that may or may not work out would make me a selfish prick, and though Mum has accused me of being one on multiple occasions, I'm not. Or at least I try really hard not to be.

"I just... I could use some thinking time," Mac looks uncomfortable.

What she means is, she wants to avoid me, and she wants to think about Westlaker and his potential guest spot on Hart's Valley. I don't care how much Mac wants to avoid me. She can survive a ten-minute car ride in my presence, surely. As for Westlaker, Mac can think about him when she is home, safe and sound.

Besides, I really want to talk to her about Danny. I know Mac said that her job would be threatened by this, not mine. She's not wrong. The way Blainesworth treated her today has been more than unfair. And I've stood by and allowed it. I want to let Mac know that if it ever comes down to it, I'll walk out on my job for her. In a heartbeat.

I will never allow Blainesworth to put her through the ringer again.

"Okay, so, you want thinking time," I say. "Let me drive you home, and then you can think somewhere nice and safe."