Spaces Between

Week #1: Secrets Kept

Sitting with her legs crossed on her childhood bed, Pamela had her phone on her lap, considering reaching out to Fergal. He wasn't on the clock, so he wasn't Finn, at least that's how she'd justified it in her mind as of late since he'd first opened that door to her in Toronto. Maybe it was a good thing they hadn't gone to the airport together the night before, it kept her from that slippery slope they had been trying to avoid for years even though she'd been single since her early main roster days without really telling anyone. Her relationship had never really drawn any attention so the breakup didn't either, which suited her just fine. Aside from family and her closest female friend, no one really knew and that's how she had wanted to keep it, especially since she did not want to be a part of the revolving door of women in WWE Superstar Finn Balor's life, even if she missed the friendship with the NXT Superstar he once had been. She'd spent the last couple of years trying to convince herself it was better to let him continue thinking she was still in a relationship and they never really talked about that sort of thing, even back during their NXT days. It had been a line they never dared to cross.

Three hours ahead in Orlando, he would be waiting at his gate to leave for Dublin. He'd planned it so that he could sleep on the plane and be awake to spend as much time with his family as possible, because that's how he was. She knew that if she reached out, he would respond when he could. It wasn't the same as their NXT days but they maintained their friendship through text. Even then, there had been a lot left unsaid, at least on her end from her perspective. They hadn't really found the time or place to restore their friendship to its former glory but she was determined to change that. She only had a couple of weeks to wait before the house show they were set to reunite at but it didn't mean she couldn't check in. She decided to text him in a way that didn't put any pressure on him to respond before he'd landed at his destination.

< F, hope you have a safe flight. Let me know when you've landed in Dublin. - P >

He immediately sent a reply to her.

< Waiting to board, still have half an hour. >

She hadn't expected him to reply right away. But when the reply came, she in turn sent something quickly.

< Excited to be heading home? >

He simply sent a thumbs up and a smiley face emoji.

She couldn't help but smile despite herself, whatever stress she was feeling had temporarily been forgotten.

< That's great. I know how much you get homesick sometimes. >

< Great to be able to see my parents and my siblings. I'm excited. >

< Happy for you. You deserve the break. >

< Thanks. I'm glad you're getting a bit of a break too. >

< Still annoyed they gave me nothing after Summerslam. >

< You need to let that go. Shin got the shit end of the stick for booking too. Worse because he wasn't on the ppv card. >

< Yeah. I know. Still. >

< I know you think it a lot that we were better off at NXT. I feel the same way sometimes. >

< Yeah. It used to be so much simpler. For all of us. >

< I wouldn't change a thing about my time there though. It led me to you. Don't know how I would have managed the main roster without you as a sounding board. >

< Same here. >

What else was she supposed to text? She felt like her response had killed the exchange so she set her phone on her bedside table and turned her attention to her laptop where her Netflix was loaded. It was probably for the best; she could feel her thumbs threatening to expose the words trapped in her throat via text message and it was the last thing she wanted, not with the possibility that he would not return her feelings.

Mere minutes after she'd set it down, her phone went off again. Picking it up, the response had taken her by surprise.

< You truly are the best friend a guy could ever ask for and I don't know what I ever did to deserve you. >

< What makes you say that? >

< I could have tried harder, y'know? >

She knew exactly what he meant when he said that.

< It's really not your fault. I could have tried harder too. Our friendship is a two way street. >

< Maybe. But at least you tried something. Your texts were something. >

< You're being too hard on yourself. We've both had a lot on our plates since we got called up. >

< Still...I just want you to know that I want to try harder and be a better friend to you. >

< That's sweet, we can address all of that when you get back Stateside. Just enjoy your time at home. And tell your parents I said hello. >

< Of course. >

< Have a safe flight. I'm going to go hang out with Brenda and do a Netflix binge with her. She'd been bugging me all day. >

< Tell her I said hi. Just about to board. Have a good day, darlin'. >

- - - - -

It had been nice to hear from her, especially in a way that didn't put any pressure on him to respond. Pamela had always been thoughtful that way. After all this time, he felt he didn't deserve having her in his life. Between their demanding careers and his way of dealing with things on his own, he'd reduced their friendship to a series of texts and the occasional meal. He hadn't confided in her anything remotely personal in the last couple of years, whether it was his relationship problems or his career frustrations. Whenever they could hang out, he always wanted to focus on enjoying her company and usually dodged serious topics. She didn't seem to be bothered by it, but if she was, he knew she wouldn't say anything. She was the kind of person who just wanted to make her friends happy.

While sitting on the plane, he scrolled through his recent messages from her, rereading the ones about the state of their friendship and how it wasn't his entirely fault. While their friendship was always a two way street, he had kept the side of him that was scared to get any closer to her a secret, along with his fears that he would have an adverse effect on her relationship and his fears that he wouldn't be able to hold his true feelings back. She hadn't known that the revolving door of girlfriends over the past couple of years had everything to do with keeping him from somehow destroying her future with the man she was seeing. He felt it was easier for him to let her keep believing that he was just dating around, that the revolving door of girlfriends was all in good fun for him. As a result of trying to protect what he thought was her happiness, he allowed them to drift apart, letting the built in excuses of their careers take care of explaining his behaviour away.

Before long, he found himself drifting away as sleep overtook him.