everyone stared at jongho as he tried to hide his obvious upset-ness. not the kind of upset like anger, but he seemed like a gross-feeling, down kind of upset.
the teacher watched as jongho's arms fell to his sides, catching a long enough glimpse of something on the child's arms; something that was surprisingly—and sadly—familiar. but he said nothing for a few minutes.
the teacher had the class start playing dodgeball, then pulling jongho aside to talk.
"jongho, you don't have to show or tell me anything. it's not my business.... i've also seen enough. i'm worried about you. you've been acting so much different than you used to at the beginning of last year, you used to be more enthusiastic and bright. and i'm not saying you're a bad person or anything. you just seem... i don't know. i can't describe it well. anyways, the point of me talking is that what i'm seeing on your arms, despite you making such effort to hide them, is worrying me. so, if you don't mind, i'm going to call one of your parents to come talk to you and probably take you home. which parent should i call? what's their name?" "f-fine.. call seonghwa.." jongho muttered.
seonghwa sat down on the bench in the locker room, tapping his foot anxiously.
"i saw something suspicious on your child's arms—i don't want to make assumptions, but, since he's been hiding his arms and wearing long sleeves during gym, i think he—"
seonghwa's memory of the teacher's words were cut off when jongho walked in, hesitating to sit down.
once he did, seonghwa started talking, trying not to cry.
"look, i know you don't want to talk to me, or anyone for that matter. i get it. but i'm really worried about you jongho. i really am." "it's really nothing. maybe if you just left me alone-"
"it's not nothing, jongho! your teacher just called me because he saw something on your arms and told me he thinks you're self harming! do you really think i would see my own child hurting himself, inflicting the thing i never want him to feel, pain, on himself, i would see that as nothing?" seonghwa snapped.
jongho nodded his head and trembled. seonghwa took a deep breath, and was about to apologize, but he was quickly cut off, as jongho started crying.
he wasn't crying loud, but definitely hard.
seonghwa panicked; he hadn't seen jongho cry in a long, long, long time. it'd been years.
the father quickly but gently reached over and rubbed the child's head. he didn't know what else to do, as he figured jongho would push him away if he tried to hug him, as he normally did.
"hey, it's ok. i'm sorry for raising my voice, i'm just scared. you can tell me anything, you know that, right? it's alright, take your time, you don't have to start explaining right away. just don't try to tell me it's nothing, because i know it isn't." he reassured jongho, letting the child cry it out for a minute.
after a little, jongho finally lifted his head, wiped his tears, and started explaining.
"i-it's just that... i don't know. i don't really know how to explain it. when you guys made us come to this school, i was really confused, because i didn't like anything that all the other kids liked. it's been a year and i still don't have any friends, everyone avoids me, and it just made me feel really weird. everyone ignores me, no one ever interacts with me besides my teachers and i kind of just.... i don't know. i'm bad at saying stuff like this." "it's fine, hon. take your time." "ok... well, it made me... hurt.. you know? i-i'm hurt.. because i d-don't know what i'm doing wrong... but obvious-sly... i've got to be d-doing something w-wrong, right?" jongho started to cry again. seonghwa held his hand and urged him to continue, saying everything was going to be okay.
"so.. i-i looked at d-d-different ways to... n-numb... th-the... numb the p-pain..." he said shakily. seonghwa's face dropped and a few tears slid down his cheeks.
jongho then took off the hoodie, muttering a weak "so i d-did th-th-this..." before showing seonghwa.
it wasn't crazy. but there were cuts. they weren't lined up in the slightest, they were all different lengths and angles. seonghwa was a bit horrified at the sight of his child's skin all cut up, especially since he did it to himself, but the father tried his best to swallow the big reaction he almost had, and stay calm.
sorry about a couple of things
- sorry it was a really stuffy chapter. i had to fit a lot of stuff in it while not making it the ungodly length it could've become
- sorry for all the dark stuff, it's just my ideas for now. don't worry though it'll get better
also, if you're suffering from anything like in this book (anxiety, depression, etc) don't ever be afraid to talk to me! i myself and my family have dealt with these mental illnesses and let me tell you; it gets better. as much as it seems like it doesn't, it does. ily :))))
thank you for 21k it means a lot to me!! ily :( <3
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