into the night [cazzie]

thirteen

At this point, Izzie didn't even know who she was feeling guilty about. She knew she had just told Casey she liked her, but now that seemed totally in shambles, anyway. It wasn't like she was leaving Sawyer for Casey anymore, especially not now, and probably not ever. Izzie also knew that yesterday, she and Sawyer had hooked up, despite having the whole feelings talk with Casey. But Casey knew about that already, and she was far from happy about it. It was all such a mess, and Izzie's head spun just thinking about it.

"I'm good," Sawyer replied, putting an arm around Izzie's waist and walking inside with her. "Especially since we had such a good time yesterday. Didn't we?"

Izzie wanted to puke. But of course, she couldn't so she put on her best smile and nodded. Once they were inside, Sawyer turned to face Izzie, both hands now on her waist.

"We'll have to do it again someday," Sawyer continued, taking one hand off to brush a strand of hair from Izzie's face.

Izzie remembered the feeling of brushing away Casey's hair in the hospital bed, just as Sawyer was doing now. She remembered the feeling of gently skimming past Casey's skin. How, despite the fact that the touch only lasted for milliseconds, the tips of her fingers had felt like they were on fire. How that fire rushed through her bloodstream and burned through her entire body. She wondered if Casey had felt the heat on her skin as well. She wondered if Sawyer was feeling that heat right now. Izzie wondered if she was supposed to be feeling that heat as Sawyer touched her.

"Iz? You good?" Sawyer asked, a look of concern in her eyes.

Startled, Izzie made up her best answer, stumbling through her words as she spoke. "Yeah, I'm doing... amazing. I'm glad you came over today."

"Me too," the blonde grinned, before pulling Izzie to the nearby couch. "So... what're your plans for today? Track practice? Shift at the diner?"

"Nothing, really," Izzie shrugged, leaning back into the couch. "I was just going to stay home."

She had taken an entire week off from the diner when she found out about Casey. Of course, now her last few days would just be a break, since she'd never go to see Casey again. And she hadn't felt like running for the past couple of days either. She knew that track season was coming up, but she couldn't bring herself to practice. Running was usually an escape for Izzie, but now, every time she ran, she just thought about Casey.

Casey, Casey, Casey. That was all Izzie could think about. And the more she thought about her, the more it all hurt. The betrayal Izzie felt when she found Evan on the bed. The pain Izzie felt when arguing against Casey. And the regret Izzie felt when she realized that maybe she was in the wrong. She had endangered Casey's life. It was her fault. Everything that happened after that dreaded night was her fault. The crash. The breakup. The moment. The fight. The words. The betrayal.

"Iz... Iz?" Sawyer's voice snapped Izzie out of her thoughts yet again. "Seriously, are you okay?"

"Yeah," the raven-haired girl smiled halfheartedly. "It's been rough."

"I can imagine... your friend's in the hospital, and it just..." Sawyer trailed off. "Anyways, are you going to go visit her today? I can drive you there if you'd like."

Izzie then remembered all the reasons why she liked Sawyer so much. This entire visit, all of it was just proof that she was insanely sweet, terribly caring, and all too nice for her own good. It almost made Izzie want to tell her everything. Just spill out all the secrets, all the pain, everything. But she knew it wouldn't be a good plan. Even if Sawyer understood and accepted that the door on Casey and Izzie was shut permanently, it just didn't seem like the rational thing to do. Who tells their girlfriend that they're in love with someone else who blames them for their near-death?