𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬, shawn mendes

thirteen

cassandra mendes
15/05/28
12:27am
calabasas, usa

"Can we talk?" He asks suddenly, speaking quietly so not to wake our sleeping daughter.

"Uh, yeah. Of course we can." I tell him, standing up and following him out of Avery's bedroom. I'm relieved he's initiated the conversation; God knows how much we needed it.

"Do you want anything to drink?" He asks politely.

"I'm okay thanks." I respond, even though my throat feels completely dry. He sits down beside me on the sofa.

"I don't know where to begin, Cass." He says, "I've been the worst person ever."

"That's not true." I tell him, meaning it. Of course he's been an asshole, but not the worst person in the world.

"It may as well be." He looks down, "I've handled this whole situation absolutely dismally."

"Now, that I can agree with." I quip, and we both chuckle wryly. It doesn't take long for the moment to pass, and the silence is deafening.

"You deserve a proper explanation. All your questions answered. I know you must have them."

"Of course I do."

"And you deserve an apology too."

"I know." I state, willing him to get on with the conversation.

"I'm sorry, first of all, that you had to find out about Luna that way." He begins, "I'd thought about telling you, and I'd... I tried to tell you. The week before I introduced her to the kids. I obviously didn't try hard enough. I was a huge coward, Cass. I truly just didn't want to hurt you. Again."

"You know now that you only hurt me more by not telling me, right?" I ask him.

"Of course I do. I knew as soon as I saw your face when you found out. I couldn't even look at you." I noticed. "I knew I should've told you. I just couldn't bear to see your face."

"That's understandable. I'd have been the same." No I wouldn't.

"That's not true." He picks up on my lie, "You don't have to say things like that to make me feel better. I know it's in your nature, but so is being honest."

"Yeah," I sigh, "The thing that hurt me the most wasn't that you didn't tell me about her though, Shawn. It's not like I expected to go for mimosas with you and gossip about our love lives. It was you introducing the kids to her, as your girlfriend, without even making me aware of her existence or asking me about it first."

"In my defense, she surprised me."

"You could've said she was a friend."

He stays silent.

"You did the same thing with Harrison, though." He says eventually. I struggle to contain my eyeroll.

"That was completely different, and you know it."

"Do I? How's it different, Cass?"

"Because Harrison isn't my boyfriend, Shawn." I tell him firmly, trying so hard to remain calm. "I took the kids to the beach and we bumped into him and his nieces. So we got talking and went to lunch."