My ruined life

Finding my old diary

Just to remind anyone who wants to read this I don't care about my grammar mistakes it is what is. This is a therapeutic way of healing myself spiritually I never once thought I would lay my life down on pages but what is life? Without unraveling scenarios which have occurred in my par life and still, till this day haunting me. Being imprisoned, in these thoughts kills me. The way I'm describing things probably makes you think I've committed a crime, well that isn't the case. It's how I have been told I'm worthless and constantly reminded I'm not able to achieve certain grades, sadly those connotations have become true. I haven't received the best of grades through out my high school years and in college.
Sucks, Big time and it hurts knowing how I've put my all into my work and yet receiving results I never imagined. As these words are being typed into the pages of Wattpad so do my tears and if there's was a button which collected every drop I would be filling buckets.

WHY, WHY has this happened why was I bullied from a young age, why didn't I stand up for myself why couldn't all the comebacks in my head come out my mouth leaving me stiff and rigid in my place. Standing there like a statue leaving my bullies to torment me, getting the best of me and letting it affect my education, to the point where I failed and failed as though I was some some sort of skittle at a bowling event. Is this what I have destined to become? Oh my poor spirit, soul is this what you have come to, where a neighbour of mine would come to my mother and talk about me mentioning; (I'm glad my mother is supportive of me but she can't fool me no more, deep down I know it's hurting her I know she wants a trophy to show around that trophy being me and boast about me but I guess God had other plans and still has ..... )
How I don't have the face of an educated person, and boasting about how her nieces and nephews are on top of the deck, Doesn't that simply drastically change your feelings. Well it hurt mine struck me like an arrow as though my heart was the perfect dartboard for it.

Now I'm not asking for sympathy but I want people to understand how emotions get the best of an individual and lead a life where they may never have imagined to be. The constant feeling of an ongoing curse afflicting me for a very long time like a bunch of magots feeding off a deceased body.