I was pacing the small bathroom combing through my hair. I never knew until now that one minute could feel like an entire lifetime. How could I be so dumb? I never stressed over getting pregnant before because I always told myself I would never end up like some of the girls at my school. I leaned against the bathroom door and slid down to the floor slowly. I checked the timer on my phone and it said there were only 10 more seconds left. There were butterflies in my stomach and it seemed like they were smashing into each other. I felt like crying but the tears didn’t seem to come. My phone started blinking 0:00. As I was getting up from the floor I could hear my heart pounding in my ears.
I looked into the sink and took a breath while my eyes were closed. Opening them, I looked at the plastic stick in the sink and read the results out loud.
“Positive. Dammit!” I screamed. I broke the stick in two and put it back in the box. Now was not the time to break down, my mom was gonna be home soon and I wasn’t ready to hit her with the news of my new found secret growing inside me.
I snatched the CVS bag and tied it up with the evidence inside. I grabbed a pair of shoes and went outside. The Arizona heat was burning my back as I walked down the street to dispose of the bag behind the closest corner store’s dumpster. What the fuck am I going to do? I thought as I walked back home. I kept going over every time Darion and I had, had sex and we almost always used a condom or he’d pull out. Except that last time. I shook my head at the painful memory, trying to forget the events that had taken place that night. It had been a month but it felt like the words he said were just being said all over again.
By the time I got back my mom was in the kitchen starting dinner. She looked up at the sound of my footsteps. “Where were you?” she asked. I fell back onto the couch and took off my shoes.
“Just to Tiffany’s,” I lied. I really do need to text her though. “How was your day at the hospital?”
“Tiring. You know that old women Mrs. Wilson just won’t stop forgetting to pick up her damn prescription! If she plans on making it to 98 she needs to step her game up,” she says. I laughed at my mom and listened to her as she went on about the rest of her day.
I don’t know how I’m going to tell her about the baby. Baby. I’m having a baby. What the hell is wrong with me? She’s going to be so disappointed in me. She already struggles making ends meet as it is I don’t know how we’re going to handle a newborn to take care of. We’ll need diapers, wipes, formula, clothes, a crib, toys, strollers and so much more. I’ll need another job besides my 3 times a week gig at McDonald’s taking orders at the drive thru. And knowing my mom she won’t do everything and we’ll expect me not to ask for help the first time things get rough. I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. I knew I was about to break my calm exterior I’ve been wearing for the afternoon.
“Anastasia, are you okay?” My mom asked studying my face while she wiped her hands in the kitchen towel. I nod but tears were streaming down my face. She came over and wrapped her arms around my shoulders. I laid my head on her shoulder and took in the smell of antiseptics mixed in with her Calvin Klein perfume.
“I need you to tell me Ana if something is bothering you. Did something happen with Darion?”
I nodded and mumbled the words kind of.
“What happened? Did he break up with you?” She stared at me wide-eyed.
“Yes. But that’s not it. Listen Mom, can we talk about this another time?” I couldn’t tell her now. I needed sleep all this anxiety was wearing me out.
“Okay. Are you sure you don’t want to eat first?”
“I’m not that hungry. I’ll eat a little later. I just really wanna go to sleep right now.” She nodded and kissed my forehead.
“I’m always here if you need to talk.” I gave her a small smile in response and went up to my room.
I laid in my bed with tears slipping down my face on to my pillow creating wet spots. How was I ever going to tell my mom, the woman who woke up almost everyday at 5 AM sharp to go work for 12 hours straight that she may need to work twice as hard because I’m bring someone else into our hectic world? She always put me first and when I had sex with Darion without protection I was only caring about me. I’m so selfish! I began sobbing until I was so tired nothing came out but little weeping sounds. I soon couldn’t keep my eyes open long enough to let tears come out so I calmed myself long enough to be able to fade into a comfortable sleep.
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I woke up at 2:50AM with a pounding headache. I walk into the kitchen and see a covered plate on the stove with a note on it saying ‘I knew it’ in my mom’s handwriting. I smiled and slipped the plate in the microwave before I jumped on the counter and turned on my phone. No Messages. I get no love. I got on social media checking my feed seeing all my friends have the time of their lives the summer before college while I’m here; pregnant.
I took the left-over spaghetti from the microwave and sat down on the couch and turned on the TV to some cartoons. As soon as the show was over my plate was bone dry. Damn my mom can cook! I put my plate in the sink and washed it before I grabbed a pint of Ben & Jerry half baked frozen yogurt and spoon. I’ve always loved food but now I’m just obsessed with it. My eyes were glued to the television as I led another spoonful of this cold desert into my mouth again and again. A commercial came on with a woman, looking not a day over 25 and her husband telling his mother that she was pregnant and they all looked so happy to hear the news and instantly I lost my appetite. It was a pregnancy test commercial. I can’t deal with this. I turned off the TV and just sat in the dark. Then one unforgettable face popped into my head; Darion’s Mom. How could I have not thought of this! My second mother, the women I could talk to when my mother was stranded at work for the night.
Ms. Young and me were pretty close and she would always tell me how I was the only girlfriend she liked that Darion had dated. I haven’t spoken to her since that last night but she has called me at least 10 times but I just didn’t have the heart to talk to her and hear her talk shit about her son to make me feel better. She would always tell me how she wanted grandkids. Congratulations? Maybe I should tell her. And maybe she could break the news to Darion for me. Maybe he’d even want me back…maybe. Before I could talk myself out of this stupid idea I went upstairs and pulled on a sweatshirt to cover my sports bra and a pair of UGGS over my feet. I slipped my phone in my bra and grabbed the car keys.
I was bobbing my head to the radio and looked at the time on my phone. It was 4:00AM and I knew my mom would need to go to work soon so this needed to be a quick trip. I pulled into Ms. Young’s driveway and saw Darion’s car missing. Where the fuck is he at? I could feel the hurt and jealousy rising in the pit of my stomach. I shook my head and tried to keep the thoughts of him with somebody else away. I need to focus. I took a deep breath and rang the doorbell.
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