My heartbeat is racing out of my chest.
My hands have become damp while I fumble with my fingers.
My breathing sounds as if I just ran three miles.
I lay in the bathroom sprawled across the floor panting, trying to calm down.
I had gone in and looked at my face...But my thoughts overwhelmed me so quickly and harshly that my knees buckled and I dropped to the floor.
My eyes a fuzzy blur.
What was going on..?
What happened..?
Oh...
I remember now.
I was talking with a friend when my heart suddenly jumped out of my chest causing my head to spin.
I had heard today was Sweetest Day and I never realized until today how much I loathed the day.
Romantic days only exist to show the lonely how alone they really are.
It's insulting too.
Everyone talking about their number one, posting pictures on social media, being all cute in public.
While everyone who was lonely from love stood by and watched in envy.
It hurts to watch all of this.
Why was it so important anyway?
Wasn't Valentine's Day enough to rub in single's faces?
Why could no one hold my hand and look into my eyes like the man does to his girlfriend in Kroger..?
Why could no one hug me tightly like the girl holding her boyfriend at the park?
Why could no one love me like everyone else loves their number one..?
I hate love.
Love is a fraud.
Love is temporary.
Love only lasts until one of them decides they are bored and they leave their broken other half. While the other half has no choice in the matter.
What if they were all they she had?
What if he was the first and only person who has ever loved her?
What was she to do with herself now..?
Go back to living with the same constant thoughts of betrayal by love?
Why couldn't she keep him?
Why couldn't he just stay a little while longer..?
My breath now so quick that my vision is turning white and the sparkles are appearing.
I went to grab the sink to pull myself up but I lost grip and fell back down taking a harsh blow to my head. Sending me into agonizing pain and darkness.
I curled into the fetal position and held my head...Tears streaming down my face.
My pathetic unloved face.
Soon I was sobbing.
Why has everything gone wrong?
Why should I continue going on living like this?! It hurts.
Holding myself tighter I realized I needed to make it help.
I remembered the old razor I left behind the mirror.
Slowly, I opened my eyes and grabbed the sink with both hands pulling my withering body back up to the mirror.
I looked at myself. My face emotionless with bloodshot eyes and tears smeared across my cheeks.
I lifted my weak arm and grabbed the razor and broke it taking one of the blades out.
I looked at my face once again.
Why can't you smile.
Why can't you just be okay.
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!
JUST DISAPPEAR
LEAVE!!
DIE!!
I took the old razor and lifted it to my face and carved upwards from my mouth.
The same to the other side.
I could feel the crimson tears flowing down.
I looked back up.
A smile.
I finally had a smile people would believe.
I lifted the razor again and carved right below my eye. Slowly dragging it down.
Blood falling out of my face.
I couldn't stop.
I kept carving and cutting away at the pathetic excuse of a face.
When I stopped I looked back into my reflection. My vision tainted red from the blood that had dropped into my eyes.
My glance lowered
To my neck.
How long would it take..?
For me to die if I cut my neck?
I took the razor to my neck and traced it a few times.
Then I pierced the skin.
It tingled, for I hated anything touching my neck.
A single bead of blood grew from where I pierced my skin.
I dragged the blade from left to right.
Watching my neck fall open and blood pour out.
There was so much.
My hand lost its strength.
The razor dropped to the sink.
I tried to look up, but my neck just poured so much blood that I could no longer lift my head.
I lost feeling in my legs causing me to drop from under my feet.
Laying back on the floor sprawled out...My heartbeat was racing.
My hands were damp.
I tried looking around...
I felt my hand get touched by a cold liquid.
Blood.
So much blood.
See? Now no one can love me.
My face now looked like what it felt like.
I would die alone.
Like I knew I would.
I tried to bring my hand to my heart...But my heart suddenly went berserk.
I clenched my hand around my chest in pain.
My heart was giving out.
Literally
And metaphorically as well.
Then my heart stopped.
I felt my last breathe leave my lunges.
Cold.
It was so cold.
I closed my eyes. . .
