Retribution ★ Avengers

Please Don't Go

"There's an us?" The muscles in his jaw twitched as his eyes left her own.

Marlena shifted her head on her pillow, keeping a watchful eye on his expressions. She wasn't even sure what her dream meant; normally she dreamt of reality, things that had actually happened once before. She dreamt of her former life, the people she lost, the memories she wished she could relive.

However, this nightmare was different. It was scarier. It was the future, something she knew she had no control over and rarely spent time thinking about.

"We just couldn't pretend anymore," Marlena went on reluctantly, scared that speaking it aloud would make it somehow come true.

Steve shook his head and his eyes met her hazel ones once more, now searching them instead for answers. "What do you mean?"

He wondered if she was trying to reference the feelings he knew they once had for one another, but never really acted on. The feelings he never lost. The feelings he never would lose. Steve hated to think this way; his best friend, her husband, was no longer here. Her children had disappeared along with Bucky. Half of their friends were nothing but ashes in the wind, too. Everything had changed, but there was one thing that never would dissipate, and that was the deep love that Steve always felt for Marlena Claire.

Marlena felt another tear threatening to fall, but she held it at bay. All she ever did was cry; she was tired of crying. She wasn't even sure how she had anything left within her to let out. Surely one woman must reach her limitations when it came to the amount of tears that could fall from a single pair of eyes.

"We had to stop pretending we had a purpose left in this world other than to serve as a painful reminder to the people that they never should've depended on us to save them in the first place."

Marlena's words hit him like a ton of bricks; he was convinced if she'd said them just a bit louder that the breath would have been knocked right out of his lungs. He could not understand how this thought had pieced itself together in her broken mind. He knew Marlena struggled to see the good within herself for quite some time, but this? He never expected something so morbid to fall past those pretty pink lips.

"Marlena, our purpose in this world runs far deeper than just protecting it," he explained, though he was unsure if he would get through to her on this particular night.

Though Marlena was a complex woman, he liked to think that he had ways of reaching her that other people hadn't been capable of. Yet, while Steve had grown closer to Marlena over the years, she still found ways to surprise him. It was one thing that always fascinated him about her. She was unpredictable, yet he could feel her very thoughts through something as miniscule as peering into those crystal clear eyes of hers when she allowed him to do so.

Marlena shook her head and rubbed her eyes, a headache coming over her following the taunting dream, "Then tell me Steve, what purpose would that be? Because I want to understand and I...I just can't."

He could see the agony she felt deep within; it was hurting her way more than she was letting on. He wished she would just let herself show him how badly she really felt.

Steve reached out and his hand pushed the hair that framed her face back, his fingers splaying out and resting at the side of her face, "You were a light in this world, Marlena. You meant so much to so many people, long before the world knew you as an Avenger. Myself included."

Marlena trembled beneath his touch, still growing used to even the slightest physical contact that seemed to become more frequent over the past few months. Mostly, the only time Steve ever placed a hand on her was when he was waking her from a nightmare, though there were times here and there when he would place a comforting hand on her shoulder or squeeze her hand when he could see her smile falter from the ghost of a memory. It was nice, but she didn't always know how to react.

"I might've been worth something to this world for a moment. But moments, Steve, they weren't meant to last. We were supposed to avenge the world, but instead we destroyed it. How will they ever forgive us?"

Marlena's somber eyes looked to him for answers he could never grant her. He only wished he could take away the grief and regret she was forced to coexist with, though he was simply not capable of such. Her words made him think back to the day he planned to take her to see the exhibit dedicated to her and Wanda at the museum in Manhattan. It never seemed to be the right time to take her there after that day, and since then, he felt it was just better to keep that out of her reach. He was almost afraid of how she would react to it, and he feared she would want it gone. That small, but important exhibit, however, had been crucial in helping him continue moving forward after the Avengers seemed to fail Earth. It reminded him of a time where hope and faith in people like Marlena and Wanda still remained in the better half of the human population, rather than just serving as a bedtime story for children to grow up listening to.

"You just need to work on forgiving yourself right now, Marlena. We'll worry about everyone else once we've defeated that task, hm?" Steve's calloused hand felt softer than before against her cheekbone. It only made sense as he was no longer acting as Captain America, but instead a friend for her to lean on after losing everything she'd ever known.

Marlena's rosy lips parted to explain to him all the reasons she would never, ever forgive herself for everything that happened, but she found herself too upset and tired to speak the words. Steve didn't necessarily need to hear her reasoning; he knew well enough that she blamed herself for much of the events that happened, though there was no way she ever could have done anything differently to bring a different outcome.

Several minutes of near silence hung heavily in the air, the sound of passing cars in the streets below the only sound the two could make out. Finally, Marlena shifted to her other side, turning away from Steve. This caused his hand to fall from her face, leaving him longing for just a second more. Though he knew this was something he could never ask of her; she controlled when and what moments they shared. Once one moment had come and gone, he was left with nothing but the memory of it until the next time the opportunity to be close to her once more would rise again.

Marlena felt the weight of his body leave the bed, and as she saw him from the corner of her eye reach the doorway, she couldn't stand to see him leave. She couldn't go back to sleep on her own. She didn't want to go back to sleep on her own.

"Steve, please don't go." Her voice seemed so small, and Steve was almost sure he'd made the whole thing up in his head.

He only realized he hadn't when he turned to see Marlena scooting over closer to the edge of her bed, making an empty space where he could then occupy. Of course, Marlena stayed wrapped in the confines of her blankets. Steve was already struggling to stay comfortable in the sweatpants and t-shirt so he elected, among other reasons, to stay above the blankets.

He lay on his side next to her as gestured, his eyes on her solemn face. Even so, her features were so intricate and graceful in his eyes. He only wished he could remember what it looked like to see genuine happiness behind those thick lashes of hers.

Steve watched her eyelids grow heavier and heavier in the minutes that followed. He studied the gentle rise and fall of her chest, thus confirming to him that within ten to fifteen minutes, she was fast asleep with no sign of struggle to be seen. He couldn't help but feel a warmth in his heart knowing that she asked him to stay with her, as if she knew that with him by her side, she might finally have peace. She might finally sleep, really sleep, for the first time in years.

"Goodnight, Marlena," Steve whispered to her, though she was far too gone to hear him. It didn't matter, though. From Marlena he did not need much; he didn't need a response, he just needed her to be taken care of. And that was something he would always do.