The Maid and Her Alpha

Chapter Twenty Eight

Two days passes in a haze. Following the same suit only I was not able to see Jonanthan like at all. So I was going through the motions. Someone came and picked me up to go to training, even though I didn't see Jonathan I still felt in and figured he was watching me while I was there. Unfortunately, this was one of the last days before my trail and I could feel my wolf growing anxious. Being she came to me so young I didn't know how it was going to go. I was also curious to how she saw the events that played out and how she felt. It is difficult to feel her feeling unless I'm in wolf form sometimes because she hides out only really peaking if she feels I need her and thats pretty rare from my understanding. I love my wolf and I know she loves me but I think she actually needed the therapy more tham me because I'm sure it took a much larger toll on her. I could feel more and connect each day to her as the healing started on my end but I just wish I could do more to help her sometimes. "Go for a run damnit I need to be free before I lose it." I hear her say. Naturally I am happy to oblige I could always use some freedom and surprisingly today is an easy day there are no errands to run. So I pack a bag of clothes and tell Bernice I'm going for a run which she is okay witb.

When I get to the forest I shift and run and run. My wolf needs this more than anything as I feel her jumping for joy rolling around and some of the tension and anxiety she is feeling is gone. "How you feeling about tomorrow?" I ask her, I myself didn't realize how fast time went back I couldn't take it but still I'm sure she was the anxious one. "I'm nervous as fuck like I'm going to have to relive everything. I get you worry about me but seriously the trauma I feel is different from yours which is why I am always so quiet." Now this is news to me, I always thought it was the same it was the same experience. "Well can you explain it to me?"

I hear her sigh "well since you're going to see how I saw things I might as well explain. See when we go to trail while your memories may be a bit fuzzy mine will be super clear directly from when I saw our parents die, I came you right before that but remained quiet until it was time." That was understandable. The reason was set up via the whole wolf thing was because unlike humans their mind didn't and couldn't alternate the memorues to cope with the trauma to help them deal like with the human brain. Also it would be clear and seen dirrectly as is. While humans wolfs tend to be morw connected to emotions humans emotions and thus memories are more finiky and can play tricks on us and change. So when the trial is done, the visions will be completely clear and as is..no emotions added.

She continued "For me it was diffucult and will truly be difficult because I didn't and couldn't do the one job I had, beside being a companion and that's protecting you." I felt her saddness which is weird because i could rarley feel her emotion because she blocked them. "I feel like I'm a failure as a wolf because of those years which is why I block myself unless needed. I hear you, I just rarley say anything because I don't feel like it's my place. You do your job and keep me steady but I struggle with it because I don't feel like a good wolf, I can never protect you. I just want to be a good one for you and to feel like it wasn't a mistake to be paired with you and that you should have a better wolf than me."

She wimpers and I wish I can pet her to calm her. So instead I say " you're an amazing wolf I don't thing I ever ask for a better wolf than you. You did protect me you carried me accross the border and into safety and if I would've had to wait five years just to get you I don't would've gave up hope. But you were and still my source of strength and I'm sure that if we were to bond like other wolfs and humans we would be unstoppable or completely insane, whichever we would be one and thats the most important part. So all I need for you is to let your walls down and allow me to be and connect with you fully thats all I ever wanted stubbornness." I feel my wolf wag her tail in happiness and know that she is willing to let her guard down which is especially going to be important for the next coming things.