His Escape

Forever Yours

"You can love someone so much...but you can never love someone as much as you can miss them." -John Green

Cas sat alone in his room, writing a letter to Dean. It was something to remember him by. His very own personal, final goodbye. There was no one to mail it to or give it to, since they never found Dean's body, even a week later. Cas planned on dropping it into the lake for it to sink into the cloudy fathomless abyss, although it may end up floating down the stream.

He tapped his pen against his desk to the beat of Centuries by Fall Out Boy, blasting out loud. He finally began writing, "My Dearest Dean." He shook his head, too formal. He settled for simply writing Dean's name.

"Dean," he took a breath before continuing to write. "Life without you is so much harder than I make it seem. The time spent together was lovelier than the ocean, but now i'm left drowning in the memories."

Cas choked up, scratch that. Not a good idea, too soon. He crumpled the piece of paper again and started on a new one, "Dean,

December is the coldest month, I'm starting to see why. Life without you is so much harder than I make it seem. Nothing makes me happier and nothing makes me sadder than the thought of you in the middle of the night. Oh what I would give to sleep in your arms tonight. When I wear your sweatshirt, all I breathe in is you. Our love was bittersweet and maybe that's why I drink coffee every morning, even though I hate it or maybe because it was your favorite. I can still remember the way you looked at me. I'm left with the thought of what was and what could have been. What if I tried harder? What if I said I loved you more? What if I was better? Would you have stayed? It's not easy trying to let you go. You're everywhere around me. The fading green as the seasons continue to change match the color of your eyes. The wind throughout the day whispers your name, mocking me because it knows you're gone. I cannot endure this pain. It's killing me. Dying sounds more pleasurable than living with a broken heart...A thousand moments I had just taken for granted, mostly because I assumed that there would be a thousand more. You always were and always will be my Dick Pancake. Remember that I love you. Remember that you stole my heart. Remember you are my only escape. Remember that you can keep me forever because I will always be yours. Remember that I loved you from the very first day and I will for the rest of eternity."

Cas finally signed his name at the bottom, "Forever Yours, Your Fucking Cinnamon Apple."

Charlie knocked at the door. Cas announced, "I'm busy, go away."

She opened the door, "Oh thank god, you're not watching porn."

Cas retorted, "I could've been."

"Oh, Cassie, don't be such a sour puss."

Cas glared at her and stood up so they were the same height, "The love of my life died and you're trying to tell me not to be a upset?!"

She said calmly, "I have something for you."

"What the hell could you possibly have for me," Cas yelled at her.

She opened the door wider and there stood, Dean Winchester. Cas' jaw dropped, his heart raced, and he felt light headed. He lost all ability to breathe. He just barely whispered, "Dean?"

Fin