Lime and Soda ✓

fourteen - coalesce

'You did what?'

Astrid, Eleanor and I lie on the soft white rug carpeting Celia's bedroom, eating chips. The grease seeps through the paper packaging and onto the carpet, but they don't notice - they're all too busy staring at me.

'I kissed Jay,' I mumble again, feeling the hot flush rise up my neck, feeling myself burn alive. 'I don't know why you're so shocked, Astrid. You were the one who wanted me to.'

'This is amazing!' Astrid punches the air with her fists. I've never seen her so happy. 'Violet kissed a boy! Violet kissed a boy! I'm so happy I could cry!'

'Don't,' I advise her, leaning over Eleanor to grab a handful of chips.

'Now you're nearly as much of a hoe as Celia,' says Astrid, looking jubilant. Celia punches her arm.

'Hey! I've only slept with two guys this week!'

'Point proven,' says Astrid. 'I don't know where you find them all, Celia. I haven't seen a single hot guy this summer, except the surfers, and they're all so old.'

Celia smirks. 'Oh, I don't mind if they're old.'

Eleanor lets out a shriek. 'How old is old? If you've been seducing forty-year-old married men, Celia, I-'

'Oh, please,' Celia says, sweeping her black frizzy curls out of her face. 'Time enough for that when I'm old and boring. No, the last guy was, what, twenty two?'

We all let out a sigh of relief. The room deflates. Then the look of concern is back on Eleanor's face. 'That's still kind of old, though, isn't it? What about, like, STDs and stuff? Do they know how old you are? What if one of them wasn't nice to you? What if-'

Celia laughs, a cool breeze. She's the most chilled out, relaxed person I've ever met. Five minutes in her presence is enough to make me feel like I'm floating on a cloud, for all the anxious twisty feelings inside to seep out through my skin.

'You worry too much,' she says to Eleanor. 'They don't know how old I am, and they don't care. They never ask. It's just casual, you know? And I'm not stupid. You can check my drawer of supplies if you don't believe me.' She jerks her head to the chest of drawers in the corner. We all turn to look. A condom wrapper peeks out of the topmost one.

'Ew, Celia!' complains Eleanor, scooping up the last chips from the paper wrapping between us. 'Too much information. Talk about something else.'

'Well, we were talking about Violet losing her innocence, before you all got far too interested in my sexual activity,' says Celia.

I flush again. 'I haven't lost my innocence. We had one kiss.'

'We all know what'll happen next,' Celia says, winking at me.

'Shut up, Celia,' says Astrid. 'You're scaring her.' She puts an arm around me, squeezes me tight. 'You just look out for yourself, okay? Don't let him pressure you into anything you're not ready for.'

'You sound like my mother,' I say, rolling my eyes and disentangling myself from Astrid. 'And he's not going to pressure me into anything. He's not that type of person, I can tell. Anyway, we're a long way from needing to talk about that. I don't even know if he likes me that much.'

'Of course he does! He literally told you to your face!' cries Astrid.

I shrug. 'I don't want to get my hopes up.' That was a lie. They're already up, way, way up, so high up I can't even see them anymore. They're floating around in the clouds somewhere, out to sea, until the wind brings them back to Earth. Until Jay brings them back to Earth. I think of his lips on mine, like they fit perfectly, like all this time there was something missing, like a jigsaw piece finally slotting into place. I think of the colours exploding inside me, the fireworks going off, the whole world turning inside out. I think of his face, his beautiful face, dotted with pale freckles against his milky skin, his eyes that are as deep and wise and ancient as the ocean, his red lips, his ever-so-slightly crooked nose, his jawline that could slice me in half, and I know I'm falling hard. I know it's too late for trying not to get my hopes up. All I can do is give him all I have, and hope he doesn't ruin me.