annihilated. /mcr fanfic (pt. 2 of resurrected, completed)

chapter three

before i knew it, it was friday, and my mom was waking me up for another weigh in. i chugged almost 3/4 of a liter of water before meeting her in the bathroom. the white tiles were nice and cold, but too bright. i wanted to go back to bed.
i stepped on. 117. yikes!
i stepped off. she didnt have to ask- i stepped back on, trying to somehow make myself weigh the scale down more. 117 again.
she didnt say anything. she took the scale and walked off without a word. i stood there for a moment, unsure of what to do. i hadnt planned this far- i was committed to losing the weight, but i hadnt prepared for the consequences. but i wont lose this game, not yet.
i walked downstairs and sat at the table. rob was still home, he went in late every friday. he was pawing at a plate of toast, smothered in butter. absolutely drenched in grease, crumbs everywhere. he was looking at the news on his phone. "morning," he said with a fraudulent joyful tone. i responded quietly.
i sat across from him and slowly chewed at a meal replacement bar, chocolate chip. i could feel my heart thump against my chest. my lungs were breathing in too little air. i swung my feet quickly, nervously.
my mom came down from the steps in chic well-fitting black pants and a red blazer with a white and black striped shirt underneath. she wore her red rectangle-framed glasses to match. she didnt sit at the table to watch me eat. instead, she went to the kitchen without a word.
oh, i know what shes doing here. she's trying to make me nervous. she wants to create tension so i feel like i have to compensate for losing weight. she wants me to feel insecure after losing weight, so that i feel even more secure when i gain it.
jane, i can see right through you.
thats not how this game is going to go.
i finish my meal replacement bar and i walk to the kitchen. i see her standing there with her back facing me, holding her face in one of her hands, and her shoulders are shaking. she's crying.
i dont say anything. i quietly turn around and go back to the dining room. i sit back in my chair.
i must have forgot. every action i make in this game directly effects her emotions. i feel angry because i didnt even want anyones emotions involved, but there goes andy yelling in my face, there goes mom crying in the kitchen, here comes rob, shaking his head at me and giving me a long, stern look.

after i joined my mom in a loud but silent train ride to work, i didnt bother exercising after. my soul was bruised. i rode the train back home and climbed right back into bed, where i drifted in and out of sleep for hours.
i remembered max sitting on the corner of my bed when we first started talking. he was so shy before he dove back into drugs. he would play with his hands and bounce his leg so hard you could feel it in any vehicle or room that you were in with him, no matter how big of a space there was between you.
the night he said he wanted to date me, he was saying good night after a long weekend down at the beach with our friends. it was a holiday weekend. we were both a little more tan and a little more sunburnt than when we left the beach. i still had sand between my toes.
i was sprawled out on my bed, pretending to be tired. i wanted him to snuggle up next to me, but regardless of whether or not he knew that, he was too shy. he was quiet for a little, then as i started breathing slower, he must have hoped i was asleep, then he could test out asking me out.
"annie, i really like you," he said quietly, and lightly touched his hand to my leg. "i think we should date, maybe, if you want."
i turned towards him, then sat up. i nodded in the dark. "okay."
he was silent for a moment, then smiled. "okay? thats it? thats all i needed to say?"
then i shifted to sit on my feet. i took his face in one of my hands and kissed him.
it was my first kiss. i had made it through high school without kissing any of the terrible greasy boys that talked shit on girls like me. and this kiss from max was my prize. it was so sweet and it lasted forever. or a few hours, at least. i explored kissing with him for a long time that night. we didnt do anything else with our hands or bodies, we just hugged each other, caressed each other, and kissed. it was amazing.
i look down at my feet, which theo is kicking at with his back paws. he demands more space.
i give it to him. i check my phone.
12:30.
@ getting_there: hey :) what time should we meet up and where?
@ bodegacat: i still have to shower and stuff. how about the plath gardens on 3rd at 2?
@ getting_there: that sounds perfect. cya then