letters to you

aye bestie

dear best friend,

first off, i fucking love you. so much. it's literally unconditional. even when you get me in trouble in civics (like while watching the movie) i still love you. it's like my mind goes, "ya know she's pretty sweet and chill so you can't be pissed at her much longer". and when i hear or read your name any where, the first word to come to my head is only four letters long.

"safe".

that's all.

then comes "true" and "understanding" and "reliable" and all those types of words.

but the number one word is "safe". such a simple word with many multiple small meanings depending on context.

the literal definition is "protected from or not exposed to danger or risk; not likely to be harmed or lost."

i don't know why that word of all words but that's is. the first word.

you've also changed many things in my life.

before you, people walked all over me, and i didnt make a fuss about it at all. you've made me stronger, and i stand up for what i believe in and say what i think is right. i mean, sure it caused fights between me and my other "friend" but now thinking back on it, i let her walk all over me since 5th grade.

i really don't care about the fights, at all. they were becoming more frequent as it was because i was growing up, so was she. we never agreed. but you made it different

you always tell me that you feel like you were a wrecker of our friendship but you aren't. you say you feel like it's your fault but i couldn't give a shit. you're still here with me. you've never left. and hopefully you never will.

you help me out with so much stuff, i could go on and on about it but i don't really remember it all(oops i'm sorry ily).

even sitting on the floor in your room at 11pm while you paint your nails and i rant to you about boys made me happy, comfortable, safe. doing all that typical teenage girl shit makes me feel safe.

but i don't think i could ever thank you enough for pointing out to me that my other "friends" basically treat me like trash, and that he's not a great guy to talk to or he's a great guy but not worth the time or stress or tears, and that it's perfectly fine to not tell certain things, and most of all that it's abso-fucking-lutely okay to tell a "best friend" of mine that she's wrong and that it's my decision and if i think it is worth my time and not a waste and that maybe something exciting and good and big could actually happen to me for once if i kept on texting him and showing that he's worth it. 

so many things, you've pointed out so many things. and that was only five.. five of the many wonderful things you taught me or told me.

emily, you've filled this huge empty part of my heart, and i can't thank you enough. you make me happy. you make me comfortable. you make me safe.

i love you.

((( oh btw dont you think that i forgot of all the bands you introduced me to;) )))