Where I Learn From My Mistakes

7: Where I Learn From My Mistakes

I didn't know how long I sat there waiting, but I must have dozed off. When I next came to, sunlight was streaming in from the windows.

What the hell. I had slept out here in the corridor the entire night. I raised my hands up high and stretched. There was a crick in my neck from sleeping upright.

Where was Alex? Why hadn't he come by? Had I gotten him all wrong? Was he not a workaholic, after all?

Just as that thought flitted through my mind, I heard footsteps tapping down the hallway. I swung my head towards the direction the sound was coming from and waited.

Don't get your hopes up, I warned myself internally. It might not be him.

Then I shook my head at myself, because who else was crazy enough to come to the office on a Sunday morning? It had to be him.

Finally, Alex rounded the corner and stopped short when he saw me sitting by his door. He was holding a stack of papers in one hand. His hair and clothes were rumpled; his eyes tired. Had he spent the entire night working on his experiments?

He stared at me. "You..."

I scrambled to my feet. "I... You weren't here last night," I mumbled.

"Why..." He shook his head and changed tack, "How long have you been here?"

"Um..." I didn't want to tell him I had waited the whole night for him. How pathetic. "A... A while."

"Is everything..." Then he seemed to remember something and his expression hardened. "Never mind." Without another word, he unlocked the door and stepped in.

I followed timidly, not sure if my presence would be welcome. He was at his desk when I entered, packing up the papers he had brought into his drawers. He didn't look at me even when I came to stand right beside him.

I bit my lip. "Alex..."

Apparently done with his task, he slammed the drawer shut. Then he swung around and headed for the door. He was ignoring me.

I felt a pang of hurt stab me right in the chest. He had always listened to me, even in the beginning, even when he hadn't wanted to. "Alex?" My voice wavered.

His hand reached for the door, then he stopped. I saw his shoulders slump in a sigh before he turned slowly around. "What?" In direct contrast to his almost hesitant actions, his tone was abrupt.

I miss you. But I didn't dare say it. What if he turned back around and walked away? "Are you still mad at me?" I asked instead.

He looked at me standing by his desk, fingers clutching the edges so hard that they had turned bloodless. He shrugged.

"I..." I didn't know what to say. He looked so closed off, so like a complete stranger. "I saw Lilly yesterday for the first time since... Well, since. She's been staying with Bernt–"

An expression of disdain came over his face. "I'm done being your Aunt Agony," he said, turning away. "Take your love problems somewhere else."

"Alex," I said, but he wasn't stopping this time. I stood watching him leave, tears springing into my eyes. I hadn't wanted to talk about Lilly and Bernt, but I hadn't known what else to say. It wasn't like I could tell him what I had realised just the other day–

Or... Could I?

I could.

Why couldn't I?

But... What if he rejected me? What if it ruined the tentative relationship we had built up over the past few months? What if he never wanted to talk to me, or see me, ever again?