Where I Learn From My Mistakes

7: Where I Learn From My Mistakes

Ever since I had first seen them together – and kissed Alex right in front of her – Lilly had taken to spending the nights away from our room. So when I slammed back into our room fifteen minutes after storming out of Alex's, the sight of her standing in the room took me completely aback.

Lilly, it seemed, didn't have the same problem. "What are you doing here?" she asked, in a tone that could never be misconstrued as friendly.

"I live here," I retorted, finding my tongue at long last. "More than you have been lately."

"I didn't want to see you," she muttered.

"Excuse me," I said, crossing my arms across my chest in an offended pose, "that should be my line."

That seemed to have been the thrown gauntlet for her.

"Your line? Your line? How does anything I did match up to what you did? How could you go for my ex?" she snapped, rearing forward with glittering eyes, all pretence at civility gone. "You really want my leftovers that much?"

I was offended on Alex's behalf. "Don't talk about him like that – he isn't anyone's leftovers!"

She ignored my defence of Alex. "How could you?" she repeated, and had the gall to look hurt. "He's my ex. He's supposed to be off-limits!"

I bit my lip, the feeling of guilt an uncomfortable coil sitting at the bottom of my stomach. But I shook it off – if she hadn't gone behind my back and gotten with Bernt, I never would have kissed Alex in the first place. "So your hurt is real, but mine isn't?"

She broke eye contact. "Bernt was never yours," she said, even though she was starting to sound uncomfortable now.

"You knew I liked him first," I couldn't stop the words from coming out in a sort of whine. Inwardly, I cringed, but I plowed on, "Everyone knew I liked him."

"So?" She tossed her hair, even though the action looked forced, like she was deliberately trying to seem flippant. "I was just being friendly... And things happened. It's not my fault."

In her defiant tone, I read: it's not my fault he likes me better.

"Okay," I said, trying to emulate her casual air. "Fine. And you broke up with Alex a long time ago. It's not my fault he's with me now."

Except he wasn't, the rational part of my brain whispered. He wasn't even talking to me anymore.

She scowled at me. "That's different. I was with Alex. He was mine. You knew going after him would be a problem. Besides, you're with him now just to spite me, aren't you?"

"God!" I exclaimed. "Why does everything have to be about you? Have you ever thought that maybe I do like Alex for who he is? That it has nothing to do with you at all?"

She raised an eyebrow at me. "Really?"

I fell silent. The words I'd unthinkingly blurted out replayed themselves in my mind.

Holy shit.

Lilly misunderstood my silence. "You think I'm selfish for going after Bernt even though you liked him, too," she said – her first direct acknowledgement of my feelings for Bernt – "but what about you? Isn't it worse to string Alex along just to get back at me? We may not have ended on good terms, but I care about what happens to him, you know."

I didn't bother explaining. I couldn't have cared less about what she thought right then. But there was one thing I wanted to know. "What the hell happened between you and Alex?"