Peter Parker Fan Fiction

Guilt and the Moon

Summary: Peter's greif over your death leads to his struggle with coping, the guilt he feels over it being his fault and the fight to carry on as a hero.

I know you're somewhere out there
Somewhere far away
I want you back, I want you back

He rocked back and forth on the floor of his bedroom, the moonlight pouring in. His heart shattered, his soul broken, his mind racing. Surely she had to be okay- you had to be okay. Tony had said they would bring you home- and they had.

But the condition you were in, your heartbeat barely there, your eyes closed, skin pale- the image was enough to haunt him forever.

A light knock sounded on his door and he heard Steve's voice echo through the thick wood. "Hey, kid can I come in?"

It was a friendly question, weighted as it was. Steve was here to update him on your situation in the operating room. He couldn't bear to be down there, hearing the faint beep of your heart as the incredible team of doctors fought to save your life. He couldn't bear the thought of hearing you flat line on that cold table.

"Y-yeah, Cap. Come on in," he spoke softly, his voice broken.

Cap opened the door gently, a somber expression on his face. When he saw Peter sitting there, knees curled against his chest, wrapped in a tight ball, Steve saw the pain. He recognized it. He had felt it after Bucky had been taken from him all those years ago, he felt it when he woke up from the ice, the only one still alive, and then he felt it again when he found out Peggy was alive, and when she had passed.

Peter was trying to physically hold together the broken pieces.

Steve sat down next to him on the floor, placing a hand on his shoulder. "You should come downstairs."

He didn't want to see this picture. He knew nothing good would come from his walking down those stairs and seeing you like that, dead and gone. But sitting up here hiding from it wouldn't do him any better. So he stood, all of the broken pieces he was holding together seemed to be staying, waiting.

Cap kept a hand on his shoulder as they walked down to the medical bay, a comfort, making sure Peter knew he wasn't alone.

When Peter finally reached the medical bay doors, Tony stood outside, a forlorn look on his face. "Kid, listen-"

"Sh-she's gone isn't she?"

Tony looked at Steve, who was busy looking at Peter. Both men waiting for the mess of emotions to spill out of this poor, fragile and innocent fifteen year old boy.

Slowly, Tony nodded, and Peter felt everything he had been holding together upstairs snap. He pushed past Tony, breaking free from Steve and banging into the medical bay. His eyes scanned the room until he saw you, laying cold, blue fingered and eyes closed.

He ran over to you, grabbing your limp hand in his and let out a scream that split the silence of the compound entirely. It echoed from the walls, it traveled upstairs to where Natasha and Wanda sat. Every scream that left his lips grew more and more heart breaking. Pleads for you to come back to him, apologies that he hadn't been able to keep his promise and keep you safe spilled from him along with his tears.

"Peter, Peter, come on kid. You can't do this to yourself," he heard Tony say somewhere behind him, but he wasn't paying attention. All he could process here in this moment was that you were cold in his hands and it was all his fault.

At night when the stars light up my room
I sit by myself...

Two weeks had gone by and Peter Parker had hardly left his room at the compound. Aunt May had been to visit him, Ned, MJ, Vision, Wanda, Clint- all of them had come by, trying everything they could to get Peter to smile once or come downstairs.