The Man I Know I'm Not [Frerard] (Sequel To Tell Me I'm A Bad Man)

Seventeen - I Know I'm Not Easy To Deal With Sometimes

"What's that supposed to mean?" I was immediately defensive, folding my arms.

"Oh come on, Frank - ever since you fucked off to New York without a second glance, you've been trying to kid yourself into thinking that you and Gerard have the perfect relationship, when everyone knows that it's destined for flames."

"I don't - what the fuck are you on about? I haven't been kidding myself anything!"

He scoffed, rolling onto his back. "If you pulled your head out your ass, things aren't as sunny as they seem. Gerard isn't the knight in shining armor you want him to be. He has his own problems - he's a grown man, for fuck sake. You were screwing your art teacher!"

"Why are we bringing this up now? What has this got to do with - with you?!"

"Because you came marching in here acting like you really cared, ready to give me a lecture on getting drunk and making out with random guys a week after my fucking husband has died, when really I'm just doing the same thing as your wonderful boyfriend."

"You don't know a thing." I took several steps forward. "I came here because you're my best friend and I care about you, and I cared about Ryan -"

He sat up, pointing at me. "Don't you dare say his name! Don't you dare!"

"What the fuck is your problem?!" I yelled, getting seriously pissed off with his shit.

"You think you're God's gift because you've got a nice attractive boyfriend that would fuck you in public at the drop of a hat! You think you're soooo high and mighty you can swan off to New York and leave your friends - your dying best friend - behind!" He swung his legs off the bed, standing up, and I actually backed away because I'd never seen him so angry before. "And then as soon as Ryan wants you, you come back!"

"Because he was my best friend and he was dying! You should be grateful that he wasn't alone!"

The punch was kind of expected; I thought that he might lash out sooner or later, due to the state he was in. Still, it was a blow to my jaw that made me stagger slightly.

"He wasn't alone!" He almost screamed. "He had me!"

"You were fixated on the fact that he was going to die!"

"Because he was going to die, and guess what? He did! He was the most beautiful boy in the entire world and he died and you don't know what it's like! You don't know what it's like to lose one of the people you love most in the world! You parade around with your adult boyfriend and your perfect little life -"

I cut him off, shouting almost as much as him. "I never married my father, but I do fucking know what it's like!"

He stopped, his shoulders shaking, his breathing heavy. Tears welled up in his tired eyes, and he sank, almost falling, onto the bed. He buried his face in his hands, shaking his head, letting out a sob.

"I don't know what to do." He mumbled. "I don't know what to do."

I hovered for a moment before sinking onto the bed beside him, ready to leap up if he decided that my face was a good punchbag for the second time. The pain in my jaw was a dull throb, but I'd had worse, that was for sure.

"There was this guy, at the bar I went to. He was really sweet. I was too fucking hammered to care how sweet he was or remember his name, but I think I went on and on and on about Ryan for hours, and he just...listened."

"Why did you go to a bar?" I asked, and he shrugged, his hands falling to his lap.

"To forget. To feel human again. To feel something, because I've felt numb since Ryan died."

I paused. "So who was this guy?"

He took a deep breath. "I don't know. I was doing shot after shot after shot at this table at the back, spending all the money I had on me - and more - and he comes up and says 'slow down, you'll end up killing yourself'." He laughed, the sound empty and hollow. "I told him good, that I wanted to, that I deserve it. And I think he asked why, and I kinda just...just...launched into a dramatic monologue about my dead husband and how much I missed him."

"Did anything...happen?"

He shook his head. "No. I was way too drunk and probably crying enough to make a teenage girl look like a sociopath, nothing could happen. Besides, he was pretty much sober after he met me...I think. I don't know. It's all hazy. Like, I don't remember much, only little parts that are probably incredibly insignificant." He sighed, falling silent, jumping as his phone went off nearby. He pulled it from his pocket, stared at the screen for several seconds, and then it stopped ringing. When it went off again, he got to his feet, mumbling something about having to take the call, and he left the room.

I gingerly touched my jaw, wincing slightly. I knew he'd be bad, but fuck...he was so much worse than I'd thought.

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Hey guys, just a quick (surprise) update before I go to bed - early up tomorrow eugh >.<

Sorry to keep you waiting, but it is Wednesday, so I'm off the hook:')

Not much else to say, except I went and saw Black Veil Brides on Saturday and met HappyChickens and ahhhhh it was one of the best nights of my life holy shit I absolutely loved it:') Fearless Vampire Killers played too whom I love and two of Ashestoangels were roaming around and ah I miss those guys xD

Okay I'm gonna leave you with this, hope you liked it, and thanks so much for 4K votes! :')

Thanks Pete,

-xøcharr <3