Pluma's Critique Shop (B3, SOON)

■B2: The Legend of Eye Brow Pencil■

■The Legend of Eye Brow Pencil■
By: theLawrenceFaith

Critiqued by: loveisnotrude

Critic's Note: Hi! Before you start reading my critique to your story, The Legend of Eyebrow Pencil, I just want to remind you a few things:

1) Hindi po ako professional critic. Even being a writer, I'm not a pro yet. Pero kahit papaano ay may kaalaman naman ako sa gan'tong bagay, so safe po ang story niyo sa akin.

2) Wala po akong ibang intensyon kundi ang matulungan kayo. Kaya kung may hindi po ako magandang masasabi o hindi ko po sinasadya na masaktan kayo sa anumang aspeto, humihingi na agad ako ng paumanhin. Don't hesitate to PM me here so we can talk about it privately.

3) If you have questions or clarifications, just comment it right away. Kung maaari rin ay i-mention mo na ako para madali ko itong makita at masagot ko agad ang iyong katanungan o gustong linawin.

Ayon, kahit dito, ang haba pa rin ng "note" ko HAHAHA lol. Anyway, pwede mo nang simulan basahin ang critique ko!

Let's start!

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I. TITLE

• Your title is unusual, catchy, and unique. These traits is an indication that it can catch everyone's attention in an instant. As a reader, even a writer, I would dare to open your book and see for myself what's interesting on it. And that's a plus point. Title pa lang pero nagawa mo nang makapagpa-invest ng mga mambabasa.

• Your title suits to its genre which is Fantasy. When a reader reads your title, may emotion na agad na ma-e-excite siya. Which is a good thing again.

• Your title is for all readers. It's flexible, I mean. Pwede sa kahit na anong kasarian o edad basta na-curious kung ano nga ba ang alam ng pangkilay. Pasok na pasok, kumbaga!

• Rating: 4/5 ⭐

P.S. I just want to say that I personally love your cover! It's aesthetically pleasing in my eyes.

II. BLURB

• It was short but enough for us to be more curious. It looks like you just transform the title into a sentence. You explain it in a way that everyone would understand it.

• I love the hashtag tho.

• Rating: 3/5 ⭐

III. OPENING

• Like what I commented there, I loved the opening statement! The scene, description, and how the characters throw their lines, it was all in good place.

• Triple thumbs up!

• Rating: 4/5 ⭐

IV. CHARACTERIZATION

• Marikit: I love how you build her character using adjectives na hindi naging mayabang ang dating. 'Yong tipong, that's what Marikit looks like, e. Wala akong magagawa kasi ganyan talaga hitsura niya. Nagustuhan ko rin na maayos na nag-flex 'yong physical attribute niya sa pag-uugali niya na inosente and the likes. Pure na pure, e. You set your story years ago at tamang-tama lang ito para kay Marikit.

• Luningning: Ito 'yong tipo ng karakter na kampi sa masama pero sa huli, tatamaan din ng realization na mas masarap kumampi sa mabuti. That's how I see her character.

• Rosas: This is my fave sa tatlong "antagonist". Her character is like the "dumbest" in the group pero mapapakinabangan naman sa ibang aspeto. Siya rin 'yong tipo ng kontrabida na confused kung saan ba talaga siya dapat kumampi: sa masama o mabuti.

• Perlas: Siya ang nagpabalanse sa kwento! Siguro kung wala 'yong karakter niya, ang boring ng buong kwento. Kasi walang magiging ganap. Para bang siya 'yong naging "utak", e.

— Overall comment about characters: you build and made them well. They're all suited in the concept of the story. Job well done!

• Rating: 5/5 ⭐

V. TONE

• You used the Third Person's Point of View. Very clear ang voice. Walang naging sabit. Tugma lahat sa eksena. Pati 'yong mga boses ng karakter, swak na swak. Makikita mo agad ang personalidad nila.

• Sa pagbabasa talaga ng istorya na may 3rd Person's POV, ang isa sa iniiwasan kong mangyari ay 'yong mawalan ako ng gana dahil hindi ko dama ang boses ng nagsasalita. But in your story, I really loved the tone of it!

• Plus point pa na ang swabe ng paggamit ng English language.

Rating: 4/5 ⭐

VI. MOOD

• I love how you set the mood of the story in the first chapter. Wala nang paligoy-ligoy pa, pumunta ka na agad sa punto ng istorya. Binigay mo na kung saan ang setting, anong mangyayari, at sino ang mga involved sa kwento.

• The mood of the story helps the readers to visualize the characters on their head. Hindi mabigat ang binigay mong mood sa amin, kaya hindi gano'n ang naramdaman namin. You did well.

• Rating: 4/5 ⭐

VII. NARRATION

• There's nothing wrong with the narration. Legit. You played with words in an awesome way. Ang smooth ng transition. Apat na karakter pero hindi ako nahirapan ma-distinguish kung sino ang nagsasalita.

• Rating: 5/5 ⭐

VIII. PLOT

• Wala na kong masasabi rito! The plot was freakin' awesome in so many ways. Ang taba ng utak mo para maisip ang gan'tong klaseng istorya.

• Walang plot hole. Smooth talaga, e. I read it twice and I'm planning to read it again hehe.

• Rating: 5/5 ⭐

IX. RESOLUTION

• Ang galing sa part na 'to. Dito pumasok ang plot twist, e. Talaga nga namang matalino si Marikit.

• Hindi ko ini-expect 'yong resolution. Simula pa lang, I was thinking kung paano maipapasok si eyebrow pencil. Pero, boom! Wala ni isa sa mga naisip ko ang tumugma.

• Rating: 5/5 ⭐

X. TECHNICALITIES

• Ang linis ng pagkakasulat 😉

• Rating: 5/5 ⭐

XI. OVERALL VIBES / FEELS OF THE STORY

• Wala na kong masasabi rito. Hindi ko nga alam kung may sense pa ba ang mga pinagsasabi ko. But as a reader and a critic, wala talagang mali sa istorya. I don't know but for me, it's perfect.

• Rating: 5/5 ⭐

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CRITIC'S MESSAGE: Ugh! Waiting for the other stories in FAIRYTALE FAIL SERIES. As a reader, susubaybayan ko ito.

Thank you for trusting me and the Pluma Team to critique your story.

Just keep writing! And have a good day.

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FINAL NOTE: Ayon, sana nabigyan ko ng hustisya ang pagki-critic sa istorya mo. Maraming salamat at hanggang sa muli!

Love yah,
Endee

P.S. Pakigawa na raw po 'yong huling payment which is give a review about Pluma Team at i-post ito sa kanilang message board.