Masquerading Light

1

Sunday April 11, 2010

I snatched the tin container and popped a stained mint onto my tongue. I looked at Hannah, at her friends Jim and Cody, then at Tommy. Good, I thought. They were all busy on their phones. Cautiously, thought not inconspicuously enough, I placed the container back onto the end table.

"Liam, did you just take a another?" Hannah asked from across the room as her body sank deeper into the couch. "One is good enough, dude."

She had more experience with hedonism, and I should've listened to her, but all I could do was smirk as the last piece of mint dissolved in my mouth. I pressed my forehead into my trembling palms. "I- I wasn't feelin' anything."

Tommy, sitting two seats over, grinning devilishly, turned his head toward me. "You haven't learned anything from the first time you got high, did you?"

Someone told me it was impossible to get high from pot the first time. I haven't been to that Taco Bell since then.

My throat pushed up into my nose as a feeling of water gushed into my cheeks, and the smell of burnt plastic lingered in the air. I smacked my cheeks as if to force the liquid back into whatever crevice had burst open. The third smack struck and a strand of light from the kitchen blew up like a stage light. Then, as the light retreated, I stared at Tommy and scared myself again, not because he looked frightening, but because I remembered this man was going to be a cop. Not that it really mattered, but at that moment I was beyond paranoid.

I tossed the tin of mints to Hannah. "I... Feel... Great."

Cody, sitting furthest from Hannah, showed something on his phone to Jim, and then to Hannah. The three nodded in agreement then stood up together like a flocking congregation, then Cody and Jim,  scurried out the house.

"Sorry, we have to run to Olivia's house." Hannah reached out to hug me. "Hopefully I'll see you at school tomorrow."

We fell into each other, then she pulled me in tighter, dug her head into my shoulder and laughed. At least she enjoyed it.

In general, she was into hugging. She had mentioned, on various occasions, that she loved hugging even more while tripping. So, I thought I would enjoy it. I certainly wanted to enjoy it. But, the whole time I felt a chill through her hoodie like a draft in the middle of winter.

She pulled away after a few moments and whispered, "Bye, bye Tom Tom."

It was hard to see in the dimly lit room, but there was an unmistakable dark outline around her. It was shadow-like, but it didn't stain the walls. She reached the front door and the silhouette stood out even against the backdrop of the near midnight sky. She pulled the door closed with her on the way out. I saw, through the closing crack, a shadowy hand wave into the living room. Hannah's hand never left her side.

I turned, wide eyed, to look at Tommy. He was glaring at the door, middle finger pointed up, muttering, "Stupid bitch."

"Still not over her?"

"No, believe me, I am." He said tiredly. "How are you feeling?"

I wanted to tell him about the shadow but all I could muster was, "Acid is a crazy drug."

Tommy nodded, grabbed my shoulders and stared into my eyes. "Your pupils are gigantic. And gross, you're getting all sweaty. You'll regret taking the second dab."

I pushed his hands away then settled onto the couch. "If it takes ten hits to see a car melt, guess what I'm doing." I pointed a finger at him like a dramatic litigator. "I can't live the same boring life knowing there are people who have seen other dimensions."

"Hate to break it to you, but some people like to make shit up. I've taken plenty of drugs and I still live the same boring life," Tommy said as he turned on the television, grabbed a game controller then sat onto the chair across from me.

I thought after graduating a year earlier he had done plenty of exciting things. He started two lucrative businesses; cutting grass for old people and selling grass to young people. He had almost completed police training, which I tried not to think of to preserve my mental well-being. And if all else failed, he had his dad's plumbing business to fall back on. I guess it wasn't that exciting, but it was better than school.

The television lit up, a small man ran across a backdrop of triangular hills then 'Super Mario Bros.' in large white text filled the screen. The text faded and Mario went down a pipe, hopped across a gap, killed a few turtles then jumped onto a flagpole. Then he jumped onto a flagpole. He jumped on the flagpole so many times I lost count. Then the loop stopped. I saw Tommy playing the game, so I knew it was the same night, at least I hoped it was the same night, but I didn't know how much time had passed. I didn't need to guess for long.

The game on the TV switched to a black screen with white text that read "World 1 – 2". He had only completed one level. I had seen the same ending for what felt like an eternity. That is if my mind was capable of comprehending eternity.

I tried to explain the 'time hiccup' to Tommy. Instead of words, unintelligible noises, which sounded like a mixture of moaning and mooing, spilled out of my mouth. Tommy set the controller down and turned the television off.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" he asked.

Without thinking or trying to answer him, I ran into the kitchen and stared at the chandelier. The light fluctuated rapidly throughout the room. Dim to bright. Bright to dim. The appliances and walls shrunk and expanded with each oscillation.

I stretched my hand toward the chandelier. I thought that if I concentrated hard enough I could make the light do whatever I wanted. Make it disappear. Make it explode. All the magic I dreamed of as a child was mine. I could have split the sea if I tried.

Then I was in my bathroom. I stared at my reflection, and observed my facial features bend and twist in every direction. My pupils were huge. The soul of my eyes was nearly engulfed by oblivion's endless reach. Heart pounding. Bright then dim. Dim then bright. I couldn't hear his voice, but I understood him.

"Yes, I know, I know," I repeated over and over, staring at a face I had seen before, yet never met.

The high settled down and I regained a sense of self-control. I stumbled to the computer room and sat in front of the keyboard. It was four in the morning. Most of the night had passed without me noticing. My memories were more like scattered raindrops than a puddle. And from behind me I couldn't hear the voice, but I felt it, and it wanted me to type:

The force behind this is far beyond your own comprehension. Let the words melt into the - there are no words for this. This feeling of now, of eternity. You cannot understand.

The world fades into everlasting abyss. Let go into the fade and let these words fill you. Please feel this call. This asking of the senses of all that is known.

The end is coming upon him. He grows slow. His mind will never fulfill this message. Be asked of you by the eternal source.

Respect the eternal sense that lives within you and let the words flow free. You cannot escape this fate, nor will you ever understand. The consequences of change...

I stopped typing and read through the block of text. "What is this?" I whispered to myself and read the page again.

"Seriously, where do you come up with this shit?" I asked as I turned to face Tommy.

No one was in the room. I'll just ask him tomorrow, I thought on the way to the couch, not ready to sleep in my own bed.