Conflicted

Prologue

Out of the many people you will meet in life, there's one thing they will rarely agree on; love. Most will argue that love is beautiful, the most powerful and exhilarating thing you can experience. However, the minority (some might call them the realists) will tell you that love is difficult, painful and honestly, underwhelming. People are fickle; there one day and gone the next, without so much as a glance back to check you're okay. How are you supposed to be happy when everything in your life is forever evolving around you? When people promise you that they will be there forever, and then leave you months later, leaving you to realise that you can't live without them. 

The most important day of her life was dawning, excitement filled her body uncontrollably as she rolled out of her bed. Amber took one last glance around her bedroom, it was too empty now, too depressing. "Coffee?" Her dad asked upon hearing her enter the kitchen, she laughed. "Do you even need to ask, black please." Her chocolate brown hair was scrunched into a messy bun on the top of her head, her eyes glimmering with anticipation as she embraced her father. "Dad, I am going to miss you so much." Tears pricked her eyes, she couldn't cry, she had to stay strong for him. "I have never been more proud of you, you haven't had an easy life at all-" The two of them hadn't but that was behind them now. There were better things to come, she could sense it. "You and your brother have suffered more than one can imagine but you're both so strong." Fighting back the tears was no use anymore, she wished he knew that she wasn't as strong as everyone believed. 

The first hour of the car journey was painfully silent, they both knew that for the first time in eighteen years they would have to leave each other, being especially difficult when each other is all they had ever had. Amber stared blankly out of the window watching the trees rush past them resembling little green smudges in the distance. "Music?" Her father asked, his voice tired and strained. She could tell that her moving away was affecting him more than he let on and that killed her. She didn't want to leave him, but she had to. They had worked too hard for her to have this opportunity and Amber knew she couldn't waste it. They clicked on the radio making the remaining journey much more bearable, singing along to Guns N Roses, making the most of the few moments they had left together.

Amber threw down the last of the tatty cardboard boxes on to her bed. This is it! This is the new beginning I've longed for. She gave her father one last hug goodbye, tears stinging her eyes. "I love you always kiddo."

"I love you dad."

"Now go, have the best time! You deserve this." and with that, he left. She took a quick glance around her bedroom and sighed. The room was cold and plain, the walls painted a dull cream colour and the furniture plastic and dreary. Suddenly she let it all hit her like a brick wall. The tears cascaded down her faces as she wondered how she was going to cope with it all, she had never been on her own before, he had always been there for her.  

After Amber had gathered herself through a cold, brisk shower, she finally left the comfort of her new bedroom and ventured in to the unknown. The communal kitchen was much like the bedrooms; cold, dingy and boring. It was tiny considering it was supposed to be shared between twelve other people. The smell of bleach overwhelmed her as she dreamed of home, her clean kitchen that constantly smelt of coffee and cinnamon. She would miss that endlessly. A million questions were flooding through her mind, she needed a distraction immediately before she chickened out and went home. "Hi! I'm Belle! I'm so glad to finally meet someone, isn't this so scary?" Amber spun on one foot to find a young blonde girl standing there holding a bottle of tequila. She finally took a deep breath and chuckled, "Snap!" She exclaimed showing Belle her own bottle of the same brand. "Ooh, a girl with good taste I see! Keep this one around Belle." The girl's father laughed, his voice thick with a Scottish accent. Amber found herself smiling uncontrollably and in that instant, she was no longer afraid.

An eruption of cheers permeated the kitchen as someone set up a game of beer pong. People were stumbling all over the place as they attempted to get to know their new neighbours, despite the fact that everyone would be too drunk to remember anything the next morning. The room fell silent and tense as everyone focused on Belle standing up to take their first ever beer pong shot. Flawless, of course. Amber didn't feel jealous of the girl instead she felt proud, she could tell they were going to be good friends. "Amber hasn't been yet!"

"Amber! Amber! Amber!" the crowd of drunks erupted into chants. She stood up to the sticky taped line and focused on that little red solo cup in the middle. The middle cup was filled with a concoction of every alcoholic drink they had in the room, a shot of each, it had the consistency of blood and the smell wasn't much better either. "Ouch! Fuck my eye!" A guy groaned the second she launched the ball, she felt her cheeks flush a bright crimson colour as she watched the ball hit him directly in the iris. "I am so sorry! I promise I wasn't aiming for your eye." She cried out as she handed the boy a bag of frozen broccoli to ease the swelling. He laughed as he took the bag from her and shrugged. "It's okay, I'm Jack by the way." 

"Nice to meet you Jack, I really am sorry." He wrapped his arm around her shoulders, his dark blue eyes pierced hers. "If you're that sorry, then I think you should get me a shot." 

Little did anyone realise at that first night, that very first party was the start of some amazing relationships complete with slight alcoholism and a legacy for throwing some amazing parties.