Forever Ruined

Chapter Thirty-Five

Lord Fitton placed his hands on her shoulders and gazed into the mirror with her. "You are still a beauty, Clara. It will grow."

"Perhaps a wig... or bonnet... or" the dressmaker gasped clapping her hands together. "I know just the thing. She pulled out the most glorious silk scarf, Clara dared not touch it, it was so beautiful.

"You may not get your sari, Lady Fitton but this... this is the next best thing," the woman said and fashioned the scarf to perfectly cover her hair. This woman was indeed a master saleswoman. Picking a scarf of the palest blue, wrapped around Clara's features made her eyes positively shine.

The dressmaker turned Clara towards Lord Fitton. "Now she is not just a vision, my Lord but a dream as well."

Lord Fitton could not argue with that. "We'll take it."

"Aaron, please. It's beautiful but it's all too much surely..." Clara began to protest, but Lord Fitton silenced her with a finger to her lips.

He liked hearing her call him by his given name. "Clara, please. Indulge me."

Clara just nodded in acceptance. She would need to purchase her own trunk at this rate. Three dresses, two silk scarves, one bonnet, two pairs of shoes, several stockings and undergarments. She had forgotten how cumbersome it was to be a woman.

Once they had the packages and a new trunk to store them in, they set off to the inn, or at least that's where Clara thought they were headed. The carriage stopped however nearly at the center of town at a hotel. It looked newly built.

"Is this where you normally stay when in India?" Clara asked as Lord Fitton took her hand and helped her out of the coach.

"No," he answered pausing a moment to instruct the men who came out to greet them, to please take in their luggage.

"Commander Redgrave recommended we stay here," he said as he watched her guide Sturgis from the coach, her arm now linked in his.

The hotel was as charming on the inside as it was on the outside the high ceilings, the column arched doorways and quaint furnishings made the place feel homey.

The owner of the establishment smiled at the newcomers. "How may I be of service?"

"I am Lord Aaron Fitton," Lord Fitton supplied, "and this lovely creature is my wife Lady Clara Fitton and my son Thomas. We are in need of a room."

"How long will you be staying in Fort Kochi?"

"Just for this evening. We've come to seek out your Ayurveda Center for my son."

It was then the man noticed the boy was blind. "Of course, Lord Fitton. We are honored to have you at our establishment. Just one room for the family?"

"That would do nicely, thank you!" Lord Fitton leaned in and said something to the man Clara could not hear. The man smiled, nodded, and handed Lord Fitton a key.

"We will bring your luggage up to you and we have a kitchen on the premises if you are in need of refreshment."

"Again, thank you. We shall come back once we have settled in."

"Of course, Lord Fitton."

They ascended the staircase to the room. Lord Fitton led the way while Clara helped Sturgis negotiate his new surroundings.

In the room, there were two beds, a small desk, a wardrobe, a plush chair, and a balcony. It was the balcony that drew Clara's attention. When she walked over to it she instantly understood why Redgrave had recommended this place as it has the most spectacular view of the Chinese Fishing Nets and he was correct they were even more amazing at sunset.

"Phineas told me to come here, about your interest in those nets before he said goodbye. He told me to ask for a room with this view," Lord Fitton said joining her on the balcony.

Clara smiled sadly.

"Are you unwell?" Lord Fitton asked misinterpreting her features.

"Just a tad melancholy. It will pass."

She took in a deep breath and was pleased she could still feel and smell the sea air.

She pulled out her new reticule and held out to Lord Fitton a piece of jewelry. He looked at her strangely, "What is this?"

"To pay for the items we have purchased today," Clara said, "I would give you money but I'm uncertain if even my wages over these eight months could cover such extravagance."

Lord Fitton pushed the affronting object back towards her, refusing to take it from her hand. "Clara I will not..." Lord Fitton features became set in granite. "How could you possibly think I would take that from you?"

Clara was surprised she had angered him. "Aaron please, I owe you so much already. Please, I cannot afford to be indebted to you further. The necklace is mine, but the money it will fetch belongs to you."

"You insult me, Madame in every way. I swore to look out for you, and I have. Those items purchased were not extravagances but necessities. And to have a woman pay me for the clothes on her back would be beyond reprehensible."

Clara pulled off the silk scarf and held it out to him. "Necessities?" she questioned with a raised brow.

"It is a gift," he told her standing firm, in his position. "And this," he took the necklace from her, does not belong to me, but..." he circled behind her and reached over her head and placed the bauble around her neck, "right here, around your neck."

Clara's fingers came up to touch the necklace. She did not imagine she would have reason to wear it's like ever again. "Aaron..."

Lord Fitton turned her around and smiled. "I understand, Clara. As much as I enjoy hearing you say my given name and pretending we are man and wife. We are not and to accept such gifts from another man seems wrong. I, however, would hope your husband the sort of man that would respect the care I have given you, knowing it does not come from some sordid self-purpose but out of the great esteem and admiration I hold for his wife.

You have given me something, Clara I never expected to experience. A family. I knew it was never my lot in life, but our little game of pretend has given me a glimpse and I rather enjoy the thought of it." He saw her face change to pity and he could not bear it. "I know it can not last, Clara. I'm not a fool, but allow me these small indulgences will you?"

Clara simply nodded her consent too emotional to speak at the moment. "I'll leave you to enjoy your sunset, and then perhaps you will meet Sturgis and I for dinner?"

"Yes," Clara said, grateful he understood she needed a moment alone.

Lord Fitton went back into the room and collected Sturgis who was much enthused by the thought of food.

She heard the door close behind them as she continued to look out upon the sea. She thought about what Lord Fitton said and had to agree, it was nice to play out being a family. Something she too believed was not her lot in life to experience.

She toyed with the necklace about her neck and her thoughts drifted to the man that gave it to her. "Oh Benjamin, I miss you so much. I don't know if I will ever make my way back to you, but I hope you know how much I love you."

She wondered what he might be doing at this very moment. Little did she know he was closing in, and the distance she felt between them was getting smaller with each passing moment.

Tomorrow she will reach her destination. She will discover if she can become whole again. She will determine if she and Benjamin truly stand a chance in this world as a couple. If she can be healed and be given the possibility of a family with him.

"If he'll even take me back?" Clara said to the sea worrying, wondering if Benjamin would decide to be done with her. She knew he must be livid with her running away to a place he cannot follow.

"All thoughts for another day," Clara said as she left the room to join her pretend family for some dinner.