I'll Keep You Safe | Bughead

33.)

That song never seemed to leave my head. The constant melody repeated itself like a broken record. It played in the background of my mind as I thought about school and how much I'd missed between being abducted and now this. I'd only missed a day because of the loss, but at least I wasn't alone anymore.

Jughead had stayed home with me, given he too was grieving. I knew by now I had to have been failing, and considering my habits of procrastination, it'd probably stay that way for a while. Truth be told, I was glad I wasn't alone today. I needed silence for some time, but now I needed to feel less empty.

I was terrified to fall asleep. I couldn't bear having another nightmare come true and wreck me all over again. I was exhausted, believe me, but I was as scared to sleep as a child who'd just seen their first horror movie.

"Jug?" I asked softly, my voice breaking the silence as I turned my head to look at Jughead. He laid beside me with tears in his eyes, space between the two of us that never used to be there. "What is it, Betts?" he replied, looking at me.

"Do you still love me? I wouldn't blame you if you didn't." "Betts," he sighed gently, taking my hand in his. "I love you so, so, so much. Nothing can or will ever change that. And I know that you've been blaming yourself about the baby, but the truth is, it's not your fault. Not one part of it was your fault, okay? I understand the guilt because I feel it too. But none of this is your fault, baby. I promise."

I felt a small tear slide down my cheek as I processed his words. I wasn't too sure how to respond, but my old reflexes must've kicked in because all I wanted at that moment was to be held.

"Juggie?" My voice cracked as more tears began to coat my eyes, making my vision a bit blurry until blinking sent them down my face. "Hold me," I cried softly. "Hold me please." He did just that, scootching over closer to me and allowing my leg to lay over his while I held onto his shoulders.

Laying on my side was a bit hard with my current figure, but I made it work because of how badly I needed a tangible companionship. One of his arms came around my back from underneath me while the other stretched over his chest to hold my shoulder.

I rested my head on his chest and exhaled slowly, my eyes closing momentarily. "It's been some time since you've slept; do you think you wanna try now?" Jughead suggested softly before placing a small kiss to the top of my head.

I shook my head almost violently, my voice cracking as I spoke up again in a small voice. "What if it's more nightmares?" "I know it's hard right now to focus on the good and truth be told, I can't do it, myself. You and Tate are all I think about now. But do you think there's even a chance you could try?"

I shrugged slightly, replying, "I know that no matter how I sleep, I'll wake up crying," I responded dully, sniffling into his shirt and inhaling his scent deeply. "It's okay to cry, baby. Nobody's telling you not to. I don't want to push you if you're not ready to get some rest, but if you think you are, it's best to give it a shot."

I nodded in agreement slowly, letting out a quiet yawn before remarking, "My eyes are heavy," closing them slowly as I said so. "See, that's it. Just relax, Betts." I smiled at his words before dozing off in his arms. Sleep felt amazing after days without it.

My mind was black for what felt like a few minutes before I came into a dream, almost like the movie theatre screen at the beginning of a film. I recognized this dream; white nursery, a baby in my arms and "Sunshine" by Johnny Cash.

This was the dream I had after my nightmare. Only this time, I could feel sorrow in the air. Last time, it was hope; this time it was longing. Same dream, big difference.