Borrowed Time

Part 12 - The Reveal

We were both still crying when Suzanne came back. She did not speak, but waited. I know she was giving us time to say our goodbyes.

He looked back at me and I could see he was trying to take a hold of himself. He tried to speak several times, tried to lift his hand to me. But his pain was almost overwhelming. I knew the feeling – I had been there, I probably am still there. I wanted to do something to ease his pain, to make it a little better for him – so he could let me go.

Suddenly, I knew what I had to do. I knew what I had to say. It will probably turn out to be a mistake, a complication at the wrong time. But there was no other way I could see to assuage our pain, so we could both let go and finally say goodbye.

"Andy, you remember when we used to talk about children? How we started picking names for our first born?" I was praying I would be able to say what I wanted to say. Because after that night, I knew I would never risk seeing Andy again.

"Yes..." He looked at me with love in his eyes and I knew he was remembering the happy times we had. "I remember you wanted a girl. I remember you wanted to name our first child Cherilyn Angela."

"Yes. I was the only one who started calling you Andy. But I have never forgotten that you are Angelo. So I wanted our firstborn to be Angela. And I wanted Cherilyn because I always thought it was cute and goes along with Angela." I took that tiny step to be close to him, enough to hold his hand.

"Andy, after this night, I want us to start letting go. Maybe our hearts will always remember the love, even the pain. But remember also that you have already started to heal with Mildred. Forget about hurting me. Forget about me being alone with my pain. After tonight, we will only remember the good times – never the bad. Then maybe we can both move on."

I let go of his hand.

"I will not be alone, Angelo. I will always have Shereen." At the question in his eyes, I took a slow breath and the final plunge. Only time can tell if it would be a mistake – telling him like that, and at that particular moment.

"I have fulfilled our dream. I named my first child after her father. I named her Cherilyn Angela. But I call her Shereen."

Then I turned my back and took the first small step away from Andy. Suzanne was there to hold my hand and lead me away. But I could not resist looking back one more time. I turned and saw Andy slumped on the grass. I will never forget how forlorn he looked, with tears running unheeded, trying valiantly to smile but failing. Clutching his heart as if to hold the pain inside. But most of all, I will never forget the look of longing and sadness in his eyes as he watched me walk away from him.