Letting Him Go

Chapter 12 - Flight

"You don't have to do this," he whispers. He leans forward in his chair, peering at me with honest blue eyes.

"I know."

"I'm so sorry."

"Don't be."

"Were you hurting for long?"

I sigh. What's the use in lying?

"Yes."

He covers his eyes with his hands, shaking his head in disbelief.

"I'm a monster." His voice is thick with tears. No. I reach out and gently pry his fingers from his face, forcing him to look at me. His eyes are glistening with defeat, and little oceans spill out onto his cheeks as he blinks.

"I need you to listen to me, okay?" I'm shocked at my composure. I scoot my chair closer to him until our knees are touching. It seems that there are simply no more tears left for me to give. It's time for me to be brave—brave for the both of us. I take his hands and place them in my lap.

"You're no monster. You love your daughter more than anything in the world and I believe that at some point you loved me too. We were so young, Bradley, and you had so much life left—so much more to prove. We both knew that New York City wasn't our forever." I pause. He holds my gaze, swallowing every word with sincerity as his hands grow warm in mine.

"I'll always love you." Oh God. My voice wobbles and I inhale shakily. He closes his eyes, ashamed of the pain that he had unknowingly caused me when her love had blindsided him and now possessed his heart forever. I gulp, willing myself to continue.

"But we can't pretend anymore. You can't pretend anymore," I say firmly, finding my voice. "It's always been her—ever since the day you met her. But with both of your big hearts and your constant consideration for others, the two of you are terrible—you'll never allow yourselves to be happy. You're both so strong that you are willing to accept eternal heartbreak in order to protect the people around you— people like me and Lea." I breathe. "And I can't let you do that."

It hits him hard. His head falls forward onto my shoulder and he begins to cry. Violent, uncontrolled sobs shake his body and I wrap my arms around him as tightly as I can— trying to hold him together, trying to keep his heart from shattering to pieces. Tears spring to my eyes and I reach around his neck to contain sobs of my own from escaping my mouth as I press my forehead against his temple. It's the first time I've held him like this in months.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." I can barely make out his words as he repeats them religiously between breaths, gasping —unable to stop the despair that floods through his tears. I rock him gently and we sit for a while, a family grown apart, crying for the broken woman who stole his heart but brought me strength—the strength to do right by others, even if it scares me to death.

"I lost her." He looks up at me through his tired, lifeless eyes. "They won't tell me where she is," he chokes. "I lost her." The helplessness echoes in his voice—a deep agony rooted in his heart slowly consumes him whole, reducing him to the hollow man that crumbles right in front of me.

"Hey," I whisper, smoothing his damp hair back from his eyes. "She'll come back to you." My voice is quiet and unsure. I'm going to need to do better than that. I grab his chin, turning his head up to look at me.

"I promise." He blinks at me. I see the tension between his eyebrows relax ever so slightly, and I pray that I'm right. I pray for her to hear me and to come back for him—just like she always did whenever I called.

"I'm going to go move some of my stuff from the drawers," I murmur. "I think I'll stay at my mom's for a little while." Still holding onto his forearms, I choose my words carefully. Who will take care of him when I leave? I look at his broken face and my heart clenches with longing— I wish I could fix him. I wish I could stay. But I can't. It would be selfish— and with him, I can't be selfish. His heart is only hers to heal.