The obsession has begun in the late spring of 2014. I was in my eighth year of school. Damn, it feels as if I've been in school for twenty seven years. In those for what it had felt like "twenty seven" years I had never loved another so much. It's not as if I can control the way i feel. I didn't choose him, and why would I? I would choose someone I have a standing chance with. Not him.
He was simply an A+, while me on the other hand could be a C- on a good day. If I had a checklist for every detail I want in a guy, his would be checked off 110%. He's better than perfect in my perspective.
I vividly remember our first encounter as if it was this mornings breakfast. My dull eyes had filled with excitement, and color again the second I'd seen him. He looked back at me as if I was a ghost. An insane maniac spirt wanting to be normal. Wanting to be loved.
When summer came, I would pray for him to come over so i could watch him, listen to him, and imagine a perfect world where we could be together.
If only I could tell him my thoughts and feelings. If only. I can't have reassurance that he wouldn't hate me for my childish ridiculous expectations. I mean why wouldn't he?
