Even If It Is Wrong And Forbidden

Beautiful mistake

"Let's go home."

Umigting ang aking panga pagkarinig sa kanyang sinabi bago ko siya talikuran. Natigil ako sa akmang paglalakad sana dahil doon. His voice is somehow begging ang sorrowful but I know I shouldn't believe it dahil baka umasa lamang ako ulit. And I don't want to go back in circles hoping we'll reconcile. Sa kaisipang iyon ay nagpatuloy ako sa paglalakad palayo sana sa kanya pero tila siyang maamong aso na nakasunod lamang sa akin.

"Please, let me take you home."

Sa ikalawang salita niya ay tuluyan ko siyang hinarap at galit na tinitigan. Natigilan ako noong makita ang kanyang ekspresyon. He looked so frustrated, sad, emotional... Hindi ko maipagkakaila iyon dahil kitang kita ko sa mga mata niya.

"Why are you here? Papaano mo nalamang andito kami ni Isaiah?"

I asked out of curiosity. Nag iba ang kanyang ekspresyon dahil sa naging tanong ko pero hindi ako nagpatalo. Tumalim ang kanyang titig, sinamaan ko naman siya ng tingin habang hinihintay ang kanyang sagot. I crossed my arms and arched my brow as he stood there sending daggers right through me.

"Fuck."

He muttered bago ginulo ang buhok sabay abot ng aking pulsuhan para piliting lumabas na.

"Ano ba?! Bitiwan mo ako.!"

Gigil kong litanya habang pilit na tinatanggal ang kamay niyang mahigpit na nakahawak sa akin. Walang nakakapansin sa pagpupumilit niyang makalabas kami dahil sa lakas ng tugtog ng club. Maging ang mga tao ay masyado na ding high para lamang pansinin pa ang pagtatalo namin. Napagtagumpayan niya akong nailabas.

"Ano ba!"

Sumabog na ako sa sobrang pagkairita kaya napalakas ang paghawi ko sa kamay niya. Napatingin siya doon bago lumungkot ang kanyang mga matang tinitigan ako.

"You don't have the rights to drag me whenever you feel like it. And don't play bullshit on me if you're gonna tell you're only doing this for mom and dad because I won't fucking buy it. I am a grown up woman who's set to be free and you have nothing to do with it. Kapatid lang kita sa ama. Hinding hindi kita buong kadugo kaya huwag na huwag mong papakialaman ang buhay ko! I can be wasted! I can drink and party and fuck whenever, wherever, or whoever, I want! Stay out of my life and just go mind your own damn business! Get a life dude! Fuck you!"

Sa sobrang gigil ko ay nabulyawan ko na siya. Tinalikuran ko siyang tulala at hindi makapaniwala sa aking mga sinabi.

"What happened to you?"

Gulat na gulat niyang tanong. Nahinto ako sa paglalakad. Napangisi ako sa naging tanong niya. Lumapit ako sa kanya sabay hawak sa kanyang batok pataas sa kanyang pisngi. I felt how he tensed a bit before it disappeared totally and looked at me emotionless. Kunot noo siyang tumitig sa akin habang hinihintay ang aking sasabihin. Dahil mas matangkad siya sa akin ay kinailangan ko pang tumingkayad para maibulong ko ang nais kong sabihin.

"I became like this because you happened, brother. You should have not touched me before. You should have stayed away from me and controlled your fucking libido and lust over me! Sana, sana magkapatid na lang ang turing natin sa isa't isa noon. Sana hindi na lang ako nahulog. Sana hindi kita minahal ng sobra sobra. You fucking owned me, body and soul. You worshipped me. You took my heart and broke it all at once. So, don't ask me what happened to me if you knew it was you who took all of me. It was you who tainted my innocence. Wala kang karapatang magtanong niyan."

Hindi siya nakapagsalita. Bahagya kong inilayo ang sarili para lamang makita ang kanyang mukha. And for the nth time, I got mesmerize by his face. Damn this man for making me go crazy over him. Nagkatitigan kaming dalawa.

"I'm sorry."

Paos niyang paghingi ng tawad. Napalunok ako sabay layo sa kanya. Pakiramdam ko ay bigla akong napaso noong hawakan niya ang aking pisngi.

"It was not my intention to hurt you. I have to do the right thing, Sari. You're my sister and..."

Marahas akong napatingin sa kanya.

"Fuck your excuses Sage! Sana naisip mo yan noon!"

Naiiyak kong sigaw sa mukha niya. Mariin siyang napapikit. Natigil ako noong makitang maluha luha niyang pilit na inaabot ako.

"I did. I tried. But you were just too tempting , I got swayed by your innocence and beauty. I fell in love with you and that's the fact I will never deny of you. We were young and so in love, Sari, but it was so wrong and forbidden! Fuck, it was so forbidden."

Hirap na hirap niyang litanya. Tinulak tulak ko siya sa galit na lalong umusbong sa akin.

"Gago ka! Hayop ka! You fucking took me in every possible positions during sex! You enjoyed everything! At ngayon mo pa sasabihin na bawal? Anong klaseng nilalang ka? I knew from the very beginning how wrong it was. I knew it was forbidden, but I took the risk for us, Sage Calyx. I set aside the thought of us being siblings just to feel you next to me, because I loved you! I loved you even if it is wrong and forbidden! Bakit? Bakit mo ako iniwan sa ere? When I was so willing to fight for us, you became a scaredy cat, who ran away. At ngayon babalik ka na parang wala lang? Na parang hindi natin ginawa ang mga bagay na ginagawa lamang ng mag asawa? You want me to treat you like my brother? Iyon ba talaga ang gusto mo? Tell me now!"

Napahikbi ako. No. This is not happening to me again. I can't break down in front of him.

"Noong umalis ka, hinihiling ko lagi na babalik ka para ipaglaban ako. Lagi ko iyong ipinagdarasal kahit alam kong bawal sa mata ng diyos at sa tao. What will you do if you'll know we're not really siblings, Sage?"

Natigagal siya sa huli kong sinabi.

"Will you have the courage to pursue me by then?"

I laughed crazily at my own thoughts.

"Sana nga. Sana nga hindi na lamang kita kapatid!"

I looked at him with so much misery, he looked back at me, teary eyed.

"I wished the same too. But this is our reality, Sari. And I am so sorry for doing this to you. I cannot turned back time and I do not wished for it too because those were the times when I felt true happiness. I loved you so much that it hurts doing the right thing but it should be done. I should correct everything."

Hirap na hirap niyang saad. I smiled sadly.

"Correct everything. Was I a mistake to you?"

That got him caught off guard but still nodded in the end.

"Yes. But you were my beautiful mistake. A beautiful mistake I will never regret at all. I love you Sari but it has to end this way. I am so sorry."

I smiled bitterly.

"Then let me move on. Stop caring for me. Stop following me. Let me date someone. Just let me live my life without you for the time being. I promise, once I get to recover from our past, I will be treating you as my brother, again."

I kissed his cheek before saying the last words I will forever be broken into.

"You too, was my beautiful mistake. My most favorite one. Goodbye for now, my Sage."