too young to be so scared || lisoo

chapter three

"I want to... I've been meaning to for a while actually but I just don't want things to be different between us." Lisa's hand tried to move back to scratch but Jisoo kept a firm grip on it. Lisa sighed. "I like girls...I'm gay. That's why I got bullied at my old school. Someone found out about me and my... this girl. My mom wants me to keep it quiet til I go to University, she's worried it'll just start all over again." Lisa's little speech came out so fast that Jisoo wasn't entirely sure she had caught it all.

"Oh." Jisoo's hands loosened around Lisa's as she felt a flutter in her stomach that she couldn't quite identify. Had she eaten something weird that day?

"Yeah...I wanted to tell you before but then I kept thinking 'what if she doesn't want to be my friend anymore' and I kept losing my nerve. It was silly 'cause I know you're really cool and you'd totally be ok with it... you are ok with it right?" Lisa asked and if it was possible, looked even more nervous than before she had started talking.

"Of course I am, Lisa!" Jisoo said confidently. "It was bad? The bullying? Well obviously it was bad but..."

"I got beaten up a lot and I used to get threats online from kids at school, someone even managed to find my private tumblr and told everyone about it... just so much shit I can't even talk about yet." Lisa's eyes were glassing over and Jisoo grew concerned that she would burst into tears any second. "It was so horrible, Jisoo." Jisoo wrapped her arm around Lisa's slumped shoulders and pulled her into a hug. Lisa's tears came hard and fast as soon as her head hit Jisoo's neck.

"Hey, it's ok. I'm not going to tell anyone you don't want to know. That's never going to happen to you ever again, ok?" Jisoo rubbed small circles onto Lisa's back as she let her cry it out. She couldn't imagine how bad it must have been for Lisa to have to move. She felt overwhelming hatred for the people who had made Lisa feel like that for something she couldn't control. "What about your girlfriend? Was she at your school as well?"

"Yeah...but she wasn't my girlfriend." Lisa laughed, but Jisoo thought it sounded fake. When she raised her head to look at Jisoo, there was no sign that it had been real. "I thought she was, but after everyone found out, she said she wasn't like me... that she was just doing what I had asked her to. God, I probably would have done the same if I had any idea how bad it was going to get. It just made it worse, people didn't just know I was gay, they thought I had forced her into it...made her do things she didn't want to do!" Lisa closed her eyes, the memories obviously a painful thing to relive and Jisoo took hold of one of her hands again and squeezed it softly.

"I'm really sorry that happened to you, Lisa. She didn't deserve you..." Jisoo hated that someone Lisa trusted had done something so horrible even if it was out of fear. There was no way that what she had done didn't make things worse for Lisa. "You can trust me, always."

"Thank you." Lisa sniffed and wiped the final tears away from her face, Jisoo thought she looked a little relieved to have told her. "Every cloud has a silver lining though, right?"

"What do you mean?" Jisoo questioned, gently rubbing her thumb over the hand that she was still holding.

"Well if none of that ever happened, I wouldn't have met you!" Lisa said with a smile, and Jisoo could not explain the sheer warmth that it sent through her.

"Yeah, I guess you're right." Jisoo returned Lisa's smile and her eyes returned to the movie that had been continuing on the screen as they talked. She'd lost track of what was actually going on but it was nice just sitting with Lisa. She was glad that Lisa felt she could trust her with something so personal, and Jisoo was not going to betray that trust. She hadn't noticed that she was still holding onto Lisa's hand until Lisa shifted to sit more comfortably. She let it go but instantly missed the comfort she hadn't realized it had been providing. She thought about taking it back but Lisa had moved to clasp both of her hands on her lap.