𝙵𝚛𝚘𝚖 𝚆𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝙸 𝚂𝚝𝚊𝚗𝚍 | 𝐃𝐔𝐍𝐊𝐈𝐑𝐊 [Collins]

Chapter 30 - Return to life

(revised)

"Good morning," I greeted James with a hug.

"You're ready to go?" he asked me, looking at the basket I had left in the entrance.

"Yeah, let me get Tomas," I replied as I invited him to follow me inside.

"Tommy, baby, it's time to go," I called my son who was still playing in his room.

One minute later, I was back in the lobby, holding him in my arms, ready to leave for the park.

I had wanted to have a picnic to enjoy the nice weather we had had lately in London, and Hyde Park, which was close to my place, was ideal for that purpose. We had found the perfect spot under a tree and close to a pond, so Tomas could observe the ducks and other birds that lived there. My little boy was amazed by every new discovery he did and it was refreshing to see the world through his eyes.

James had brought a ball and presented it to Tomas whose face lit up at the idea to play with it. My friend took a few steps back and crouched down to gently throw the ball to my son. I observed them as I laid a blanket on the grass. Tomas, still a bit clumsy, was trying to imitate James, but the ball would never reach its target, ending its course only inches in front of him. However, James kept encouraging him and praising him, and I loved that. And so, Tomas kept trying and laughing, and it made me the happiest mother. I could have continued unwrapping the food I had cooked for the picnic, made sure everything was ready for when Joseph and his girlfriend would join us, but I wanted to be a part of that moment too, so I joined them instead. Tomas greeted me with the purest smile one could see, and immediately offered me the ball he was holding in his hands.

"Is it mama's turn to play?" I asked him as I accepted his gift. "Let throw the ball to uncle James. Can you help me baby?"

He nodded with excitement, waiting for my instructions. I gently guided him to stand before me, between my legs, and I placed the ball in his hands, my own hands holding his, and I kissed his soft cheek because I could not resist it.

"Are you ready? One! Two!" and at three, I threw the ball in the air. James moved forward to catch it and pretended to be impressed by what had just happened.

"Wow! Look how far it went?! You're so strong little man!" he complimented him. "Do you think I can do the same?"

"Oh, let's catch the ball now!" I told Tomas who squealed with joy, clapping his hands with happiness.

But we missed the ball, and it bounced on my feet, escaping my reach and rolling down the slope, towards the pond. I left Tomas to chase it, hoping I would catch it before it ended its course in the water, but it finally stopped when it reached the feet of an elderly woman. I hurried to retrieve it so she did not have to bend forward, and I apologised.

"It's alright sweetheart," she smiled warmly at me. I smiled back and was about to go back to Tomas and James when she spoke again.

"You've such a beautiful family, my dear. Your child seems to have a great, caring dad," she observed as she looked at Tomas running towards James, who had his arms wide open to welcome him in an embrace. As he wrapped his arms around him, my heart filled with sadness. The world did not know about Andrew anymore. Even his own son was not conscious he was missing a father he would never know, because he had all the attention he needed. But it was my job to make sure Andrew's memory would live on, and I had failed miserably. I had not been careful enough, I had not watched my behaviour and I had let people think James was my husband, that he had always been there. How could I blame that woman? I also had the illusion that we formed a family, an atypical one, but a family nonetheless. Yet, her words made me suddenly realise that maybe I had lost myself in my happiness, maybe I had let James replace Andrew in my life, and of that, I was guilty.