WINTER SCENES

imstillinlovewithyou

i love this city, love the shops and bustle of people along the streets, the way everyone seemed to smile on those days when cherry blossoms cast the streets in pinkish hues and when the sun made the city glow like a newborn goddess, the shades of grey and blue suddenly burning gold and amber and all the colors in between. i especially loved the city at night, when the towers and buildings lit up violet and blue, when the air turned even cooler and everyone seemed to be floating on clouds, when the sky was as dark as my hair but swirling with stars and moonlight and the entire world seemed to be colored like the milky glow of stardust. oh, how i love the city at night.

i love this city, love the memories of whittling away time on my back porch with a book and running around the neighborhood with all my friends that have now left for bigger better things but i do not care because this is my home, will always be my home. i love the memories of laying on the ground with grass tickling my peachy skin as i watched the stars light up the sky with your fingers entangled in mine. i love remembering you, my first love, and how we loved each other so in this city of many faces with a love that had us flying dangerously close to the stars that burn bright, though not as bright as we do when our lips meet and our skin touches and we make love to each other under the night sky, basking in the way we lose ourselves in each other and the euphoria of being completely bare and knowing the other loves us despite the scars on our skin that is meant for each other and this love that has died (or has it) but will forever linger in our hearts and on the back porch where we first kissed and through the streets of the city where we spent all the important moments together.

i love this city and the smell of my mother's cooking that has seeped into the walls of this house and into all the things i remember from my childhood and adulthood. i love the hours spent hiding with my friends as we took long drags from cigarettes that slowly became an addiction, both for the high that clouded our senses and the youthful reminiscence that i felt whenever i smoked one among the tall grasses of my best friend's backyard or in the safety of my back porch. i remember how we spent our summers lazing around in shorts and tank tops, giggling at all the cute boys that came here on vacation and smoking and basking in the sunlight that drowned out all the worries of school and life.

i remember the autumns, when we'd return from school and talk about the terrible teachers and the homework and sometimes i'd glimpse you and blush because you had stars in your eyes and your voice was like the ocean and i was so so so infatuated with everything about you, falling falling falling for the little things too. but you never ended up being the one - instead it was your older brother who has the cutest little habits and i love him more and more every day. those autumn days when i'd blush at you through the falling leaves of honeyed orange and amber and golden brown all led up to my love for your brother not you.

i remember the winter when snow blanketed the world in icy hues of glistening white while my mouth still held the bitter taste of dark chocolate and your watermelon chapstick. i remember being so heartbroken about the fact that this was our last winter together, the last winter where we could stay curled up in your sheets as i traced stars against your pale chest and you rested your cheek against my silky hair that was darker than the night sky and softer than cashmere. the last winter where we could go outside and get into snowball fights after making snowmen and then you'd kiss the cold away from my reddened lips and soft cheeks and midnight locks. i'd giggle and hide my face in the crook of your shoulder when your mom teased us and your brother sent us knowing glances. but now those days are gone because you left for bigger things and i have fallen fallen fallen for someone else.

you no longer have my heart.

or do you?