Smashed Into You

Chapter 3.b (Jessica's POV): THE RESISTANCE

 “Hey baby girl, what’s bothering you?” DeAndre asked, breaking my thoughts.

I looked at him and automatically rushed to embrace him. “Oh you know, Dre.” I said, digging my head on his shoulder. “It’s too difficult.”

“It’s your fault anyway, you put so much meaning into it,” he said, smirking. He wrapped his arms around me. “Look he’s not worth it, Jay. He’s already taken plus his squirming on stage bothers me.” He copies Phillip’s squirms.

“Shut up.” I said punching his arm. He’s right, Phillip is taken. But why did he have to make me fall for him?

The tour took so much of my energy. I was thankful for the hectic schedule because I started to think less and less of him and the finale. I just enjoyed the company of those who truly cared about me. I loved DeAndre, I’m so lucky I can tell him everything. Hollie and I are starting to get closer as well. And Colton, of course, that guy loves to interact with everyone.

I think people were starting to notice that I was avoiding Phillip. Hollie and Skylar asked if we had a misunderstanding and Josh even asked me if I was bitter. He admitted to me that he felt a little cheated but told me not to tell anyone. But I wasn’t feeling anything. I was numb.

Whenever Phillip tried to make conversation with me, Hannah would get in the way. Honestly, it pissed me off. She can have Phillip, I don’t really care. I’m too focused on planning how to revive my career after choosing a corny, mediocre pop single. So she can marry him right here, right now in front of me and I wouldn’t give a crap.

“Hey, Jess?” a voice greeted me.

It was Phillip. I was sure. I tried my best to sound as informal as possible. “Yeah?” I replied coolly.

He had the biggest grin on his face. ““Happy birthday!” he said, then gave me a hug. I hated it but I felt warm inside. He remembered my birthday. “I know it’s difficult to, you know, spend your birthday without your family but we’re here for you, you know that right?” he said looking concerned. 

I needed Hannah. Where was she?

“Yes, thank you Phillip.” I managed to reply.

“I got you a gift. Hope you like it.” He showed me a guitar, smaller than the usual, and then gave it to me. “It’s customized.”

WHERE ARE YOU, HANNAH? DEANDRE?

I took the guitar from him and strummed it. I didn’t know how to play, but I appreciated his gesture. It had my favorite motto embedded at the top and his initials at the bottom. Why must he do this to me? My hate was starting to lessen. I was trying to get it back up to the level that it was in but it started dropping…dramatically… “But I don’t know how to play.” I said.

 I had a difficult time composing that reply but I was glad I didn’t seem too enthusiastic. Good girl!

He told me he would teach me then gave me that warm smile I loved. This was getting difficult.

I suddenly remembered that Hannah had to go back home to continue her studies. WHY? She should have just stayed here and stopped us from interacting again. She already made that her life mission anyway. 

I felt my heart beating fast, not because of anger but because of pure appreciation and excitement. Here he goes again with his efforts. Was he really that clueless? I couldn’t fall for this again. I was telling myself to just thank him and tell him I had to go talk to Dre, but something was stopping me. Lurking behind the hatred and anger that enveloped my heart was a feeling of longing. A longing for me and him to just go back to the way we were before. Before the finale. Before Hannah returned to the picture. Before going back to our own lives… before striving for different dreams.