One Day At A Time

Chapter 44

Alicia's POV

My suitcase was packed, ready for the journey ahead of me. I glanced around my bedroom one more time. It was very possible that this could be my last time seeing it complete.

I had decided with Mrs. Ingram that depending on how things went this week while in Portland, there could be a chance I would move back to America now that I was 18 and graduated. I felt a pull to continue my life over there, especially since the division that had occurred between Landon and I. I felt an overpowering need to get away from him, or I knew I would be crushed under the weight of my feelings. It was heartbreaking that things had ended this way; it was far from what I had ever dreamed.

I blinked back a few tears, and mustered the strength to carry my suitcase down that flight of stairs I had climbed endless times. The bag felt heavier this time with each memory.

“Oh, you're ready, dear?” Mrs. Ingram asked, shoving a thin jacket over her shoulders.

“Yes, ma'am, I believe so.”

She studied my face for a moment. I'm sure she was trying to decipher my true feelings and how deeply her son was effecting me, but I could never let her know. Landon came down the stairs in a rush, brushing past us both on his way out to the car.

“I'll drive, Mom!” he shouted.

Mrs. Ingram looked from me to him and opened her mouth, as if she was about to say something, but instead she sent me a weak smile and pursed her lips together. I wish I knew what it would have been...

The drive to the airport was almost completely silent. I think everyone was struggling with feelings they didn't know how to put away or deal with. I felt sick at the pressure that was building, but I knew I had to go through with this. If this was the case, it was time to move on, though I would be eternally grateful to the small family that had taken me in the moment of my grief.

I glanced up and caught Landon's gaze in the rear-view mirror. His eyes told of the inner battle he was going through. I wanted to tear my gaze away, but it seemed nearly impossible for the both of us. It was like our eyes were trying to say the words we refused to say.

Our carload arrived at the airport faster than any of us would have liked, and the gnawing feeling in my stomach was growing increasingly stronger with each step nearer my departure. I knew there wasn't much time left for goodbyes; we had made it to the airport without much time to spare. I looked around at the crowded room of people. Most were embracing each other in tearful goodbyes. It brought back memories for me and both were painful. The one was back in America, where I said goodbye to Kami. But the most painful, by far, was the reminder of arriving here, in this very airport, and laying eyes on Landon and Mrs. Ingram for the first time. We had come so far, but if I had known things would end this way, perhaps I wouldn't have tried so hard.

“Flight 97! Flight 97, departing for Portland, Maine!”

And that was it. That was the dreaded call. The call that made me doubt my motives and if I was making the right decision. I couldn't turn back now, I had to do this. I turned to the two people who had become my family and felt a shudder run through me.

“That's mine,” I announced quietly, unnecessarily.

Mrs. Ingram nodded, and for only about the third time, I saw her eyes begin to water. She held out her arms and I ran into them immediately, squeezing her with all that I had.

“You know, you don't have to go,” she whispered.

“I know,” I answered, “but I have to. It's the right thing to do.”

She pulled back and stared into my eyes. “I wish things hadn't turned out like they did,” she was playing with my hair softly now and I blinked back my tears.

“Me too....with all my heart.”

“Come back,” she squeezed my shoulders roughly. “Someday. Please.”

I nodded, unsure and unable to say anything else at the time as I let go of her and turned to Landon. His eyes were focused on the floor, his hands hanging at his sides. I didn't know how far to go, but I had to do something and there wasn't much time. I allowed my fingertips to brush his hand slightly as I stepped close to him.

“Thank you for coming,” I said awkwardly.

He shrugged. “I don't know anywhere else I should have been.”

He was trying to appear casual, but I could hear the pain lacing his voice.

“Goodbye, Landon,” I whispered and quickly wrapped my arms around him for a hug.

He responded immediately, his arms enclosing around my waist tightly, his head falling into my neck. When I pulled away, his whole body spoke of defeat and he still clung to my waist.

“Don't forget about us, okay?”

I bit my lip to stop the tears, and forced myself to stare into his eyes, those eyes that had been my endless oasis so many times.

“How could I ever?” I whispered. “Never.”

The smallest of smiles crept on his lips for a second, but soon flashed away as another reminder ripped through the airport.

“Goodbye, Ali,” he whispered finally, his eyes flickering all around my face.

I wanted so badly to throw my arms around him, kiss him and never let go, but I knew I couldn't. This was the way things were supposed to be.

I hung my head, and pulled my bag up onto my shoulder. With one last small wave, I turned from the two faces who had been all I had in this past “almost” year. I had never known it would hurt this much. And just like the last airport, a ocean would separate me from the people I truly loved and my memories were tied up in.

And once again, I felt the pieces of my heart slipping away. For I had just left the one and only person who had put my heart together, and yet at the same time, torn it all apart.