Avengers one shots

Parker

Note: I put English translations in stars below the stuff that's not in English*

Before there's been Happy, before there's been Pepper, and before there'd been Rhodey, there'd been Park.

Tony had, from a young age, never really been the amiable type, and so grade school wasn't exactly a friend fest. The first-few years were easy—Howard hired a tutor for his son, allowing Tony to avoid the whole friendship ordeal. Until the awful, awful year of fourth grade. Tony's mother decided enough was enough, and Tony would never be able to live up to his true potential if he lacked social skills.

Thus began the worst experience of 9-year-old Tony's life: elementary school. By the end of the first month of this cruel and unusual torture, it became apparent that public education was not going to cut it, and Tony was moved to a gifted school. While the lunches were less suspect to cause cancer, everything else stayed mainly the same. Tony had absolutely no interest in conversing with his classmates, and he openly mocked them, leading to multiple chastising and a detention. School was miserable.

That all changed in seventh grade with the arrival of Parker Thomas. 

Parker's parents had gone through a rather gruesome divorce, and his father dragged Park to New York in an attempt to keep him from his mom. Park hated English, and while he was fully capable of speaking it perfectly, he opted for a deeply accented franglais, mainly to be a little shit.

French was the most lacking of the school's subjects, which was saying something, and the teachers decided to try to never talk to him so they wouldn't have to hear his migraine-inducing English.

Now, I have to stress that an experienced ear would be able to tell that Park was purposely butchering English as the words he 'didn't know' and replaced with French had no order, and he would randomly forget whatever he wanted. This mustn't be held against him; he was only twelve, and that's not many years to be able to develop a knack for proper bullshitting.

Something that had developed by the age of twelve was Tony's pride. Upon meeting Park, Tony decided that he would not have someone be able to insult him to his face if he could do anything about it, and there was plenty to do about it. Within two weeks, Stark could pass as a native Parisian, and this is when he approached Park for the first time.

Both boys were severely lacking in the abilities to hold a conversation, much less start one, and Tony found the most difficult part of the whole operation was figuring out how to talk to Park. It ended up that Park really talked to him first.

In the third period, a tedious math class, Tony got fed up and threw a crumpled up paper ball at his target. He and Park were in the most advanced class, and both of them found it excruciatingly boring. Park had no qualms with dieting the lesson.

"Putain!" Park roared, whipping the paper back at Tony. 

Figuring Park would be more interested if he responded in French, Tony did not shout, "The fuck did you just say to me?" In English. 

Park's entire figure changed, and he seemed to relax for a moment. Just as suddenly, he flashed back to fury. "Let's pretend to have a big fight and go to the principal's office. This class is boring," yelled Park.

"D'accord." Tony suppressed an urge to grin. "Throw a pencil at me."

"Throw your own pencil." 

Tony raised an eyebrow, something he'd spent an embarrassing amount of time practicing when he was ten, and slammed his entire full pencil sharpener on Park desk. "How about a discorporated pencil?"

"GO TO THE OFFICE NOW! BOTH OF YOU!" The teacher's face was beyond red. 

By the time the boys reached the hallway, they couldn't contain their laughter.