Both A Runaway

Chapter 8 - Because

"Stop that. You look stupid." I frowned. How dare he say that to my face? I was just trying to set the mood's up, ang tahimuk kasi. Tapos sasabihan niya akong stupid? Geez. Kung di ko lang 'to amo eh!

"Sober up. You don't look nice when drunk."

"Sha *hik* lamat ha *hik*" he tsked.

I can't think straight anymore. The alcohol has overtaken me at kasalanan 'to ng magaling na Lucas na 'yan! Sino ba kasing aanga-angang magyayang makipag inuman tapos ako lang pala ang paiinumin? Grabe, ang dugas niya! Balak niya ba akong pagsamantalahan at kailangan niya pa akong lasingin? Shocks! Sana sinabi niya nalang, I'd oblige naman eh. Wala nang pilitang mangyayari. Atleast pag ganun, nasa maayos akong pag iisip at maaalala lahat ng mga mangyayari sa'min. Patawarin, ang landi ko---lasing eh!

"Ba*hik* kit mo ba *hik* ako nilalasing ha?" Tanong ko sa kanya habang nakaturo sa sarili ko 'nung mapansin kong ako lang 'yung pinapainom niya.

Kanina kasi after ko ihatid yung lunch niya, he requested na magdala ako ng maiinom kapag ihahatid ko na yung dinner niya. Syempre, nagulat ako. What's more amusing is that, nung tinanong ko kung anong gusto niyang pulutan, ang sabi lang niya ako na daw ang bahala. Confused man, ayun, sinunod ko siya at nagadala nga ako nung request niya kaninang dinner time. Ayiee, feeling ko, we're kinda close already. Hihi.

"Nah. I just want you drunk so you can't remember a thing we'll talk about tonight." he said as he look at me sternly. Medyo blurred na paningin ko kaya hindi ko na siya gaanong maaninag, still, I'm trying to keep myself awake.

"Hmm-kay. Ano ba *hik* pag uusapan natin *hik* sir?

Umayos siya nang upo at mataman akong tinignan sa mga mata. If this was on a normal situation, and I'm on my usual self, surely, kikiligin ako. But this isn't. Ilang shots din ng Black label tinira ko. I am silently hoping I could remember everything tomorrow. Which I doubt.

"You see, I'm a wreck. Devastated. Broken. Whatever you may call it. Nonetheless, they're all understatements."

I figured out after 12345678 years that he's kinda opening up. My eyelids are on their verge of dropping, thankfully I managed to half opened them. What he said somehow motivated me to keep my nerves awake.

I remained quiet, waiting for his next lines.

"I just died." Kahit half opened ang mga mata ko, hindi nakatakas sa paningin ko ang luhang tumulo sa mga mata niya.

He sighed.

"She's my everything. You know, she has my time, my attention, my world revolves around her. She... she was my life. The air I breathe, the only love I have..."

Napaiwas ako ng tingin. I can't stand to see someone cry, a man, specifically. Parang tinutusok tusok 'yung puso ko. He must've loved the girl so much. Kahit, hindi ko personally kilala 'yung tinutukoy niya, I feel sorry for her. She let go of a man who have loved her deeply.

"I simply love her." ngumiti siya nang pilit "The first time I saw her, I knew right there and then that she's the one I'm gonna marry."

I let him continue. Siguro, akala niya tulog na ako, hindi kasi ako nagre-react.

"Her eyes, the things I'd always remember first in the morning. Her hair, they smelt of strawberries. Her lips, they taste the sweetest." He's smiling, a genuine one. It must be nostalgic for him.

"Jessica was the best thing that's happened to me."

Another tear escaped from his eye. He's trying to hold his sobs which didn't go successfully. Gusto ko man siyang i'comfort, hindi ko nalang ginawa. It's better na isipin niyang tulog na ako. That way, mas mailalabas niya 'yung kung anumang bumabagabag sa kanya.

"It was my fault--the accident--" tuluyan nang kumawala 'yung pinipigilan niyang paghikbi. Looking at him now, crushed a part in me--my heart.

Kahit nahihirapan, he continued. "Kung sana, pinigilan ko siyang umalis--lumayas, she'd still be here with me--by now."

"It was raining back then, she was living with me in my condo for quiet some time already. We fight a lot over petty things-- well, at least for me. Kaya sanay na ako kapag lumalayas siya. Umuuwi rin naman siya kapag nagsawa na. She's stubborn so am I. Madalas naming pag awayan ang mga babae ko--yes, I'm not the goody-goody type. I slept with random girls behind her back. Kahit ganun, pinagtyagaan niya kung anong meron kami noon--pinagtyagaan niya ako. I love her, that's for real but I can't help seeing other girls. It was my lifestyle even before us happened. And I'm lucky she understands though yun nga, nag aaway kami. I am not showy type of person when I love, I love her to depths pero hindi ko yun pinapahalata. I was afraid she'll take advantage of it at i'dominate ako. Pero kahit ganun, gaya nang sinabi ko, my world revolves around her. Ang hirap intindihin, she's my everything pero I kept on going out with other girls, but that time, fear and pride overtook me."

"That rainy evening, as usual, hinayaan ko siya. She was crying when she headed outside with her luggage. I stayed inside my condo and didn't bother follow her outside.

I was awaken in the middle of the night when my phone rang, It was my cousin, Gelo--saying that--" He started crying again.

"that--Jessi--got into an accident---and---didn't make it." Hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili ko at naiyak na din. I can see pain in his eyes. Nakakuyom ang mga kamao niya sa ibabaw ng mesa, until now, he is blaming himself for what had happened.

"Ha. I shouldn't be crying. I don't have the right to. I killed her, after all. This-- "marahas niyang pinahid ang mga luha niya "this won't bring her back to life. She will not forgive me not even on my death bed."

Pasimple akong humikbi. Now, I understand. Pero, I'm sure Jessica loves him so much, that she can't afford seeing him this pained at sinisisi ang sarili because of her sudden death. She surely won't like the view, the man she loves, suffering from guilt feeling.

"I'm sorry. Hey--you asleep, right? You better be sleeping, or else..." Heh! Stupid. I heard everything but I won't tell you.

He stood then approached me. He tilted my head, confirming if I'm really sleeping. What I did was nagtulug-tulugan ako. Aba! Papanindigan ko na 'to! Baka ipa-salvage pa ako nito pag nalaman niya'ng narinig ko lahat ng mga pinagsasabi niya. Knowing men--they're somewhat egoistic, I'm sure maglulupasay 'to kapag nalaman niya'ng I've witnessed him shed a bucketful of tears.

I gasped nung maramdaman kong parang lumulutang ako. Omo! Binuhat niya pala ako, bridal style. Wait--where are we heading? Napasapo ako sa noo ko, mentally. Gosh! I forgot I am still in his place. Meaning... I'll be...

Yes, Gab, you'll be sleeping in his place--in his room to be exact.

I felt a hard surface against my back which I presumed to be the 'papag'. What will I expect from a guy--a miserable one, who is blaming himself for her girlfriend's death, someone that'll be sleeping in a cloud-like bed of roses? Nah.

Naramdaman ko na kinukumutan niya ako, I forced myself not to smile at the gesture then minutes after I heard a soft click. I slowly opened my eyes nung mapagtantong wala na siya sa kwarto kung nasaan ako.

Saan kaya 'yun matutulog? Bahala na nga. Kasalanan naman niya kung ba't nalasing ako eh. Alangan namang sa kawayang upuan ako matulog? Ayoko nga! Abuso na siya kung ganun.

I guess, kailangan ko na talagang i-shut down ang system ko, baka sumabog, information overload na eh. Tss, makatulog na nga!